Warning alarm sounds every time Rachel Reeves thinks

The UK tested a new early warning system designed to remind people to sell their shares, the moment the Chancellor has a new idea. All phones will issue a high pitched squeak, like your bum on parquet flooring, as markets crash and pensions evaporate.

Other sounds will be used for the Cabinet; Wes Streeting an ice cream truck, David Lammy a slow trumpet wah wah and Liz Kendall the cackle of the Wicked Witch. Some will be more abstract, as Yvette Cooper opted for the sound migrants drowning.

Any announcement by Keir Starmer will be marked by a long embarrassing silence, followed by one polite cough and the sound of tumble weed. Any policy linked to Gaza will be accompanied by the sound of hands wringing, pearls clutching and fake liberal tears. But with no discernible impact.

mage from pixabay

Lego’s new Asylum Hotel set is their most expensive yet.

Lego has introduced its most expensive set this week, announcing the release of the Lego Ultimate Collection Series Asylum Hotel. Priced at £2bn it is Lego’s first-ever item to cost ten figures.

The 9,000-plus piece set means there is no shortage of bricks for their Lego rioters to lob at the Lego Police..

The new set is a vertical diorama set, has more than 15 rooms that depict many iconic scenes from the on going issues, “No Hope,” and “Return of the Immigrants,” according to the Reform Party’s website.

The set also contains 38 mini figures, including Nigel Farage, Lee Anderson and Dame Andrea Jenkyns in a sparkly blue jumpsuit, the company said on its website.

Lego’s previous set that was its most expensive was the part built HS2 railway, a 7,541-piece set which broke all records, costing several million pounds eight years ago.

Roughly 15 per cent of Lego’s sets are marketed for responsible adults, which rules out most of the Reform Party.

image from google gemini

Trump: I am James Bond

With the revelation that Trump was a CIA asset, he now claims to be a MI6 agent operating at the highest level.

'The President grabbed Octopussy, for sure,' said an aide, and Gold Finger was definitely him. Not sure about the discoloured smudge on his hand, though. That might just be sh!t.

'He disagrees with Diamonds being forever, his preference is for Crypto. And obviously Scaramanga is a code word for Epstein. Three nipples, yes, but two belonged to an underage girl who the President saved. For later,' he added.

image from pixabay