Scientists hope they can drive Asian hornets mad with 125.25Hz sound

Musician scientists, who found that Asian hornets nests produce a 125Khz sound, are hoping that a near frequency will create a beat that the hornets will regard as a threat, in the same way the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra was able to dispense with poorly tuned banjos.

Entomologist, Dick Scratcher told Newsbiscuit, that we might be surprised by how many insects are born with perfect pitch; and just like humans, they find it irritating when pop musicians struggle to hit the right note. He cited the instance when a Wings concert was halted after Paul McCartney said his mike wasn’t working; and a roadie exchanged it with the one his wife was using, which few outside etymology, appreciate, halted the 1975 insect riots.

Scientists hope that by playing a racket slightly out of tune with the ones Hornets make, it will encourage them to express their musicality in other lands in the way that Punk musicians never did.

Photo by Bob Brewer on Unsplash

Trump’s tariff alchemy

After imposing tariffs of 50% on imports of steel, copper and aloominum, Donald Trump has announced generous new federal grants for alchemists.

Alchemists will be able to get grant funding to research how to turn base metal into steel, copper and aloominum. They will also qualify for 200% tax write-offs on all business expenses, including political donations.

The President has imposed tariffs on metal imports in order to boost domestic production, despite the fact that the USA does not have any significant deposits of iron, copper or aloominum. So alchemy could provide a solution. He has told America’s top universities (except Harvard) that all will be forgiven if their research can support domestic metal production.

Social scientists will also be able to access the funding, if their research can find a way of turning base Democrats into Republicans.

Taylor Swift announces 12th break-up album

Swift has built a reputation as a prolific love tourist. She puts the hopeless into hopeless romantic. Her Tinder profile has been swiped more than a stolen credit card. And she has been through more young men than an Ukrainian recruiting officer.

This will be her 12th studio break-up. It follows her record breaking tour of dating apps – wooing over 1.2 million people worldwide. This included eight nights at Wembley Arena, where she speed dated the entire UK population.

She has won 14 Grammys but won the hearts of countless Grandads. Ironically the announcement was made on her current boyfriend’s podcast: “I didn’t want him to find out this way but we are never ever getting back together.”

Photo by Adam Przeniewski on Unsplash