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Bill Gates denies Virus update



According to the Epstein Files, Mr. Gates may have inadvertently got some Malware and Femaleware on his dongle. The billionaire denied using his RAM stick with a Russian interface, but struggled to explain why his joystick was covered in weeping sores.


The accusations have seen Microsoft shares plummet, but antibiotic sales have increased. The Epstein Island has also been referred to as one big Teams Breakout Room. While Mr. Gates wife has divorced him, citing an unwelcome probe request.


An Epstein survivor alleged: ‘He came at me covered in thermal paste. He said he was mounting his rock hard drive, through the backdoor, but I refused to get involved with his sticky fingers and Hotfix.'



Image credit: Wix AI

Coming Soon to Channel Four


Channel Four has been watching the success of the Celebrity Traitors over the ordinary shitty-people-like-you-and-me version of The Traitors with much interest.  They are now to start televising a celebrity version of Naked Attraction.  Nigel Farage has already signed up, but there is a fee so of course he has.


Author: robfalconer


Office workers ascend tower in Taipei


Some 200 office workers ascended one of the world’s tallest skyscrapers yesterday, just as they have done every weekday for the last 10 years of so. They made the ascent without ropes or the use of supplementary oxygen, and took the difficult interior route using a combination of stairs and elevators to make it to the 1,667ft summit of Taipei 101, one of the tallest buildings in Asia. Observers say they looked for the most part relaxed, almost disinterested.


The group faced a number of challenges along the way, among them a nasty paper jam on one of the printers on floor 16 and a leaking watercooler outside the meeting room on floor 50. Some of the party were also distracted by a tee-shirted figure climbing the outside of the building in what was presumed to be some sort of promotional stunt.


One of the first to arrive at his desk was Wei Liang who told reporters: ‘To be honest the main fear we faced was boredom. It’s a hurdle we face every day. I’ve worked in the tower for 15 years and it doesn’t get any easier. I’m in insurance. Need I say more?’


Meanwhile, when the t-shirted guy reached the summit he was met by security who gave him a damp cloth and said: ‘You missed some bird shit on the 48th floor. Back you go.’




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