Bill Gates denies Virus update

According to the Epstein Files, Mr. Gates may have inadvertently got some Malware and Femaleware on his dongle. The billionaire denied using his RAM stick with a Russian interface, but struggled to explain why his joystick was covered in weeping sores.

The accusations have seen Microsoft shares plummet, but antibiotic sales have increased. The Epstein Island has also been referred to as one big Teams Breakout Room. While Mr. Gates wife has divorced him, citing an unwelcome probe request.

An Epstein survivor alleged: ‘He came at me covered in thermal paste. He said he was mounting his rock hard drive, through the backdoor, but I refused to get involved with his sticky fingers and Hotfix.'

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