More Epstein files released to distract from Iran

President Donald Trump is set to release a new tranche of documents from the Epstein files this week to distract the public from the war in Iran, which he initially started to distract the public from the Epstein files.

Despite their incriminating nature, including one image allegedly showing the President floating in Epstein's pool on an inflatable banana, it's hoped the latest release will bump the Middle Eastern blunders off the front pages, at least for a few days.

Speaking from Washington, Democratic senator Cory Booker was far from impressed: 'these looping distractions serve no purpose other than causing mass confusion amongst his loyal MAGA base, which is exactly what he wants.'

But not everyone on the right agrees, as local MAGA member Tyler Burke explained:

'It's the Democrats and the libtards who are confused, not us.

'I, for one, stand behind the bombing of the Epstein Islands to force the Islamic Republic of Venezuela to release the Iranian Files, or whatever it is that's happening.'

Image credit: Wix AI

White House hires exorcist to deal with Epstein’s ghost

A confused White House is believed to be considering hiring a Catholic priest to exorcise Jeffrey Epstein’s ghost.

‘All I hear is Epstein’s ghost this, Epstein’s ghost that’, a spokesman said. ‘The big man wants this ghost gone, just like he wanted some random people in Minneapolis gone, so that’s what we’re gonna do’.

A Vatican spokesman confirmed that exorcism is still a thing but pointed out that the problem might be more to do with living people than dead ones. The Vatican also said we shouldn’t expect ‘spooky music, people having their heads sliced off in freak accidents or walls pasted with pages from the Bible’. Disappointing. Maybe there’s a premium service we could order, like Exorcism Platinum?

Jeffrey Epstein was an evil man who arranged the rape of hundreds of children by, erm, nobody else. Just himself, presumably. He was the only one charged, so that must mean that he arranged an entire paedo island infrastructure just to satisfy the perverted interests of one man. And now he’s haunting the White House, which is additional proof that he was a wrong ‘un.

The world is a much safer place with Epstein gone. Since there weren’t any other rich paedophiles, we can safely assume that children in America are now safe and won’t be raped any more. There definitely won’t be any organised networks of rich, powerful men abusing children systematically, because there really was only the one and he’s now dead.

Rest easy, America. 

image from Grok

The Ghislaine Maxwell revelations in full - world exclusive!

What, you want to read them again?

Oh OK, then, here goes.

Still not satisfied?

Well she did refer to the Fifth rather a lot.  Probably asked for a glass of water and a pardon.  Which, given the amount of dirt she didn't spread, is probably in the post.  The pardon that is, not the water.  She almost certainly didn't drink the water anyway once she'd thought about it given Epstein managed to hang himself with paper towels while the CCTV was off.

For those with short memories, here's the revelations one last time.

image from pixabay