White House hires exorcist to deal with Epstein’s ghost

A confused White House is believed to be considering hiring a Catholic priest to exorcise Jeffrey Epstein’s ghost.

‘All I hear is Epstein’s ghost this, Epstein’s ghost that’, a spokesman said. ‘The big man wants this ghost gone, just like he wanted some random people in Minneapolis gone, so that’s what we’re gonna do’.

A Vatican spokesman confirmed that exorcism is still a thing but pointed out that the problem might be more to do with living people than dead ones. The Vatican also said we shouldn’t expect ‘spooky music, people having their heads sliced off in freak accidents or walls pasted with pages from the Bible’. Disappointing. Maybe there’s a premium service we could order, like Exorcism Platinum?

Jeffrey Epstein was an evil man who arranged the rape of hundreds of children by, erm, nobody else. Just himself, presumably. He was the only one charged, so that must mean that he arranged an entire paedo island infrastructure just to satisfy the perverted interests of one man. And now he’s haunting the White House, which is additional proof that he was a wrong ‘un.

The world is a much safer place with Epstein gone. Since there weren’t any other rich paedophiles, we can safely assume that children in America are now safe and won’t be raped any more. There definitely won’t be any organised networks of rich, powerful men abusing children systematically, because there really was only the one and he’s now dead.

Rest easy, America. 

image from Grok