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A moment of calm for the American media

Writer: deskpilot
deskpilot
Sep 25

President Trump is complaining about the media walkout on his social media accounts. But he cannot be seen bitching and whinging on mainstream media after a boycott by the White House press corps.


MS Now led their morning news bulletin with a story about a cat stuck up a tree. Politico went with a special report on the elections in Germany. And CNN highlighted a Dakota man with an interesting collection of cutlery.


A CNN spokesman said, 'We are fully in favour of free speech and we are exercising our right not to talk about the big nothingness, or anything he is connected with. So we ain't covering ________, or __________ and definitely not ____________________.


But, if the opportunity arose, we would definitely run a story about the Epstein Papers.'





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Trump Presidency to get weekly recaps

Writer: Sully
Sully
Sep 4

‘Followers of American politics have complained that they can’t follow the plot’, a White House spokesman told us. ‘If this was a Netflix drama there would be one major incident per week and they’d still offer a recap. President Trump’s achievements are so many and so wondrous that the American people can’t keep track’.


Trump’s achievements since January include stealing 65 billion barrels of Venezuelan oil, losing a war with Iran, turning the Reflecting Pool into an algae conservation area, having ICE murder a couple of US citizens, cheating at golf (multiple times), shitting his pants (multiple times), falling asleep on camera (multiple times) and threatening to invade – well, everybody.


The only topic which won’t be included in the recap is the Epstein Files. ‘Look, President Trump has already released 5% of the Epstein Files’, the spokesman said. ‘What more do you people want? Jeez, if an old man can’t have a little fun once in a while – what’s the world coming to?’




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World 'couldn't give a stuff' about Trump anymore

Writer: Throngsman
Throngsman
Apr 27

'I know I should care, he's got the nuclear codes, he's a fruitcake, he's destroying world alliances and it's pretty obvious he's manipulating financial markets for himself and his family,' said the leader of a major European country, 'but honestly, I couldn't give a flying f@ck anymore,' he added.


World leaders have come to realise that kow-towing to the Trump administration doesn't insulate their countries from his erratic herky-jerky mood swings.  Bucking him does result in enormous sanctions on products US citizens want or need to buy, making it harder for them.  For the countries impacted as an exporter it is becoming increasingly obvious that there is a queue of relatively stable countries waiting to take the US share, more if you include the relatively unstable but financially flush countries.  'So, no great shakes there,' said another world leader.


Assassination attempts have been discounted as they would probably trip over fake assassination attempts and someone could get hurt. The wrong person, presumably.  Not the person with the nuclear codes.   


'We can't kill him, but we can ignore him,' said a World leader.  'But I suppose we could release these Epstein files that I found on my desk this morning,' he suggested.




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