Record low crime Saturday (except London)

Police forces across the UK were reporting the quietest Saturday afternoon in recent years today. Football matches passed off without any incidents, and violence and road rage was at an all time low.

"It's a mystery" said DI Dixon of Lutonshire Constabulary. "Normally we have our hands full of drunken yobs on Saturday afternoon, but today, nada. It's lovely."

However, we cannot be sure this was the story across the entire UK, as the London Metropolitan police did not answer our calls, with a recorded message describing them as "exceptionally busy right now".

Harry in Ukraine: step one of the rehabilitation plan

Charles has set Harry a target of 10,000 charitable works to secure his rehabilitation to royal life.

Every journey begins with the first step. In this case, it's Harry's visit to Ukraine. Charles said that Harry's donation to Children in Need does not count, as rehabilitation must be earned and cannot be bought. And nor should rehabilitation be filmed for Netflix or written about in trashy books.

After a long period of abstinence from the media a modest BBC documentary on BBC Four might be acceptable.

Harry is reported to be very pleased, as he now feels that he has a purpose in life, beyond transferring popcorn from big bags into little bags. He has worked out that, at the rate of two visits a day, he should be restored to the King's good books by 2039. As long as nothing else goes wrong before then...

image from google gemini

Debating gun control is constitutional; changing our minds is not, NRA confirms

The National Rifle Association (NRA) has reminded America its central belief in the sanctity of the Second Amendment cannot change, as doing so would result in a society worse than one in which anyone could shoot anyone else.

“The Constitution essentially comes down to: life is sacrosanct, but the Second Amendment is even more so. You can’t have an abortion, even if the mother’s life is at risk, but you can’t have state-funded life-saving healthcare either. Also torture is fine unless you’re one of us.”

The NRA spokesperson added: “I admit we’re probably changing our minds about martyrdom, on which we’ve been fairly silent up till now, if only because it will strengthen our grounds for not changing our minds.”

image from pixabay

writer: sketchedbyboz

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