Weird sisters caught producing unlicensed HRT potion

The three sisters of Birnam Wood were caught in the act of cooking up the 'medicine' in a cauldron, of all things. Inspectors from NICE took samples and declared the constituents were 'unseemly'.

In response the foul and midnight hags declared that they were only trying to fulfil a need that was welcomed by many women across the kingdom.

Not having any particular powers over magick , the witches were told to aroint themselves from the immediate area or they would be brought before Dunsinane Assizes.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/jarmoluk-143740/

“No mow May” activist “just a lazy git”, says wife.

A Tipton man has shocked his family with his sudden eco-warrior stance on mowing the lawn. Gary Jackson, 35, explained to family and friends at their Bank Holiday barbecue that he was going to "rewild" his garden in order to help save the environment. Brother in law, Dennis Reynolds, told our reporter, 'He started to pontificate about how dandelions are the perfect flower for pollinators, such as bees and that, and by cutting the grass and destroying them, we are killing bees and thus are no better than Hitler, Idi Amin, or Barry from Number 28, who tarmaced over his lawn when he bought that caravan just before lockdown.' His wife, Susan, said, 'He's even started going on about joining the Green Party but he's not fooling anyone. He's a lazy arse and needs to have a word with himself before I pack a bag and go back to my mother's again.'

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Two pound coin dropped down the side of your driver's seat continues to goad you

The two pound coin you dropped down the side of your car seat last week is mocking you and there’s nothing you can do about it.

It made its move at McDonald's drive-thru window on Thursday as you were counting out the cash for your order.

You’d already handed the spotty youth three pounds-ninety and were passing the coin to him when it fell from your hand and disappeared down that really narrow crack between the edge of your seat and the dividing bulkhead separating yours from the passenger seat.

Despite pissing off everybody in the queue for a full three minutes as you tried to retrieve it, you were forced to admit defeat and reluctantly pay by card instead. So far attempts to locate it, let alone get at it, have failed miserably and all you have to show for your efforts are scuffed knuckles, despite trying for two hours yesterday morning.

Service Technician Dave Clifford explains. ‘Modern cars are designed so that if you do drop anything between the seats, it simply cannot be retrieved without having special tools to dismantle the whole front half of your cockpit. More often than not that’s going to be a total rebuild, sometimes costing thousands.

‘Fact is, you may try, but you’ll fail miserably. It’s simply impossible,’ he laughs.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/mikes-photography-1860391/