World Monopoly Championship urged not to allow transgender participants

Hasbro has been urged to change its "unfair" rule which allows transgender people to compete in the world championships of its popular board game 'Monopoly'.

The women's rights group 'We're Not Rampant Hate-Filled Homophobes, Honest!'  are demanding that the competition scraps rules which allow transgender women to compete after discovering one beat two women in one of the heats back in 2019.

Group leader Miriam McBadtooth stated "it's bad enough that these so-called women are allowed to play Monopoly anyway, but to put them in a position where they can defeat biological women despite the massive physical advantage they must have rolling the dice is just ridiculous. We're calling on Hasbro to do the right thing, especially now we've got the courts and the right-wing newspapers on our side".

Tensions were further heightened when it was discovered that in a recent game played by the Hounslow Monopoly League a transgender woman was sent to Jail by a Community Chest card at the same time there was already a biological woman there who had been imprisoned for a different offence (throwing three doubles in a row), forcing them to share a cell for a turn. 

This comes hot on the heels of the group making similar requests of the International Poker Association, the European Boggle Tournament and the UK Pictionary Competition.

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author: watchermark

Reform UK candidates stand down over vetting process

A number of Reform UK candidates have resigned their candidature after being told to attend the PDSA for vetting.

“I thought the vetting appointment I had been booked in for was merely to check I’m a racist,” said Arthur Brain, who until recently was a candidate for Vodka-under Lyme, “But they told me to drop my trousers and said I’d be so much happier without having to trip over bleedin’ kids.”

A spokescastrationist for the PDSA said “Although we’re a charity known for caring for sick animals, the last 14 years of government led to a reduction in donations, so in working out how we could survive, a receptionist pointed out that humans are technically animals too; and some politicians are obviously as sick as a bagful of sick. So when Nigel Farage said all Reform candidates would be vetted, we offered to do the job on the cheap and he said "Ooh! You're talking my language” at the mention of cheap."

Newsbiscuit asked Professor M Odelmaker if what the PDSA was offering amounted to eugenics and his reply was “Who gives a f*ck if it helps reduce the increasing number of dickheads in society, for the long-term?”

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MPS reject offer of time and a half wages for working last Saturday

MPs are insisting that the time and a half payment for Saturday work, they found written on this week’s pay packet is derisory; and unless it’s made up to double time, they won’t turn up on Saturdays again for the foreseeable future, even if Russia invades.

A now, non-existent, transgender spokesbeing for the MPs' union told Newsbiscuit “This is a complete mockery of what our members expected from the Labour Party; and the Tory faction of our membership in particular, feel completely betrayed in allowing them to take over government,”

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