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Chain pubs to replace happy hour with gouging time

Works night out piss-up facilitators, the Glug and Cabbage pub chain, has announced that it will charge extra for drinks at happy hour and also for additional baggage beyond one carry-on item. Emotional baggage will remain free and is indeed encouraged as it contributes to both sales and fights.

Drinks will be available to pre-book up to 3 months in advance, with double vodka and lambrini in the week before Xmas now available for 99p - increasing to £30 on the night. These moves are part of the chain's expansion into new venues in abandoned agricultural buildings that are 'within 30 minutes by taxi, with luck' of the local high street.

'Why can't things just have one price any more?' lamented token person in the street Les Ismor. 'It's enough to drive you to drink.'

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