Meghan and Harry in dispute with What 3 Words

Meghan and Harry are taking legal action against location service What 3 Words. Meghan says that the service should not allow users to identify their home in Montecito, California.

Meghan is particularly upset that the location of their house is identified by the three words useless.royal.losers

The company says that the identification words are entirely coincidental, and are generated without human intervention by a computer algorithm. It has pointed out that useless.royal.losers only identifies one three metre square area of Harry and Meghan's property. Other parts are identified by unrelated three word phrases such as james.hewitt.lovechild, smug.pointless.tossers and desperate.gormless.phonies.

Image: WixAI / Blur image online

Trump-Vance Make-Up range – Maybe we’re stuck with it, maybe it’s a grift again

The one thing that truly unites America is that the Trump-Vance duo have normalised makeup on men. The best way to make money from this is, as always, to sell overpriced branded merch made in China.

Here are some of the worst options from their new range:

• Trump Concealer: Whether you want to conceal skin blemishes, freckles or massive financial fraud, always use the one Russian intelligence informs your preferred influencers to recommend.

• Trump Foundation: When you want to override the basic foundations of democracy, look no further. Luckily, the Trump Foundation name is now available again as the original one was dissolved by court order in 2018 after various legal violations came to light.

• Trump Bronzer: Always appear to come third in a moral argument of two people with this classic Trump bronze finish. No need to blend, have a big beautiful wall of pale white skin next to hi-vis orange around what some medical professionals describe as a face.

• Trump Blusher: when you are incapable of experiencing shame or embarrassment, you have to apply your own blushing, preferably with some industrial sand blasting machinery from a vat.

• Trump Gloss: For luscious lips and annoying facts, gloss over these and strut around like a shiny ball of lies.

• Vance Eye Shadow: Do you also have dead, soulless eyes? Why not accentuate these so you can gaze at people with two dark voids that completely lack empathy! As with the current VP, this product is currently a complete sell out.

Make Makeup Grift Again

image from pixabay

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Millwall goalie kissed Palace striker without consent

The story of the mid-air clash between Millwall’s Liam Roberts and Crystal Palace’s Jean-Philippe Mateta last week took a darker turn today, when slow motion footage revealed that in addition to sending him straight to hospital with a season-ending injury that could have been much worse, the goalkeeper had also kissed the striker without consent.

“We thought he’d simply flown at Mateta with his boots at head height and studs out,” said an FA official. “Certainly the damage to Mateta’s ear, which required 25 stitches, suggested that’s what happened, though fortunately there was no concussion or damage to the cervical spine which could have resulted in permanent paralysis. 

“However, close examination of the VAR footage revealed that Roberts also took the opportunity to get in a cheeky peck.

“This is clearly a much more serious offence than we realised. Naturally we’d like to retract any statements we may have made suggesting it’s all just part of the rough and tumble of what is, after all, a very physical game, and doesn’t require any action beyond the red card Roberts was given at the time. We now realise this is a matter for criminal prosecution, and quite possibly the reintroduction of the death penalty.”

For his part, Roberts said he was simply trying to repair the reputation of his team for being homophobic, racist thugs with a playing style that owes more to cagefighting than football. And what better way to do that than by kissing a black player on the opposing team? 

“Honestly, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t,” sighed Roberts, as he relaxed on a daybed with a cup of Earl Grey and a sponge finger. “I just don’t understand this modern world, I don’t really.”

image from pixabay

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