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Denmark stand up to Trump


Denmark has upped the ante with President Trump by not only sending an advance party of three soldiers to Greenland but by attacking the US in a three pronged economic attack targeted at the President.


Point 1:  Denmark supplies the US with 30% of the insulin it uses.


US response: Ha! The Donald doesn't care because he doesn't know he's type 2 diabetic.  He thinks the daily injection is diet coke.


Point 2:  Denmark supplies the US with 100% of Ozempic.


US response:  Ha!  The Donald doesn't care because he doesn't know he's fat, like really fat.  Hence, see point 1.


Point 3:  Denmark supplies the US with 100% of Lego.


US response:  Ha!  The Donald has other toys to play with, like nuclear missiles.  But he does like building Lego walls on his desk, so maybe he'll relent on the tariffs.




Maybe Greenlanders were the friends we made along the way


In a heart warming end to NATO, the US revealed it had grown emotionally-but also territorially. Trump said. 'The true reward of a quest—is not the achievement itself, but the large mineral deposits in your soul.'


He admitted that the Greenlanders had melted his heart and coincidentally melted their tundra to reveal prime real estate. You can not put a price on friendship he said, but you can put a price on acreage.


He told the Greenlanders they always had the power to return home, it just so happens that home is Kansas. 'Friends are just people who haven't got to know you yet.'




Give generously to Farage's non-charity for Tory strays


"I am not running a rescue charity for abandoned Conservative MPs," declared Nigel Farage, slinging an emergency dollop of Winalot into a bowl for Robert Jenrick at his Home for Stray Tories in Battersea. Just because I've taken in every cast-off Conservative cur dumped in our doorstep so far, from Rottweiller Anderson to Doberman Dorries, doesn't mean I'll be so soft-hearted in the future.


"They're costing me a fortune in worming pills, besides anything else. So I'm making this threat to the UK electorate: if you want to see your ex-Tory MP alive and well in the House of Commons ever again, you'll text 0800-SAVEMUTTLEY and make a generous donation.


"£20 will buy Lee a pair of knuckle dusters, £30 will buy a muzzle for Rupert Lowe, £40 will buy Nadine a peerage, and £100 will buy Jenrick the Mongrel an ounce of integrity. And I'm also making this warning," continued Farage, grooming the fur of a miserable looking Kruger Spaniel.


"Any other destitute Tory planning to crawl along to the rescue centre that I totally don't run better hurry, hurry, hurry! That's because from 8 May, I'll be closing my doors to all further down and outs. I tell you this: Any Conservative MPs offering to hand over their seats to Reform on 9 May will definitely be turned away.


"And if you believe that, you'll believe anything."




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