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Reform Watch, May 1940


Another in the infrequent Reform archive stories, this one is from 26 May, 1940, somewhere on the south coast (where else?)


Another day and another wave of Antifa men of fighting age arriving at Dover in small boats, claiming to be fleeing a war zone. That's what they all say. They're being put up in local hotels, some are even being housed in Army accommodation - where does this government get off? As usual there are Europeans in the boats, from France and Belgium, but I've seen Indians, Sikhs and Eastern Europeans too - bloody Polish think they can go anywhere they like. They all claim to be fighting Fascists - well if they want a fight, we're ready.


Vote Reform and we'll send them back across the Channel, no ifs, no buts. Trust us, this is war.



Your Party Expel People's Front of Judea From Conference


Supporters of the Jeremy Corbyn and Zarah Sultana fronted Your Party have seen their founding conference fall into disarray after claims of a purge due to rules forbidding membership of multiple organisations.


As well as members of the Socialist Workers Party having their passes cancelled, the greatest expulsion has been members of the People's Front of Judea, a political organisation with nearly 2000 years of history. Critics say the group has been removed on a technicality due to its support for a Jewish state, and support for Trans rights.


Speaking outside the venue, one member voiced his frustration, telling anyone who would listen, 'This is symbolic of our struggle against oppression that's happened since the founding of the PFJ. We will not rest until our struggle is recognised and we've successfully brought all UK infrastructure under public ownership, except those where privatisation has been shown as directly beneficial, or ones that our pension investments are index-linked with.'


Other groups refused entry included the Judean People's Front, but not the Popular Front, as no-one noticed him when he turned up.



Harry the Bastard to join Trump in class action libel case against BBC


In an unexpected legal move, Harry the Bastard has become a co-litigant in the libel case brought by President Trump against the BBC.


'I was libelled good and proper on the Young Ones sitcom in the eighties,' said Harry today.  'The BBC insinuated that I was an employee of Rumbelows and I've always disputed that*.  It never turned a profit and disappeared under Thatcher's watch.  Nothing to do with me.  I've never disputed being a right bastard, but working at a low-end electrical retailer, that's akin to suggesting I incited an insurrection at the White House.


'Which is why I've joined forces with President Trump, who was also misrepresented by the BBC.  They find for Trump, he wins, so I win.  They find for me, I win, so he wins.  I'm happy to split the $5Bn fifty-fifty, or whatever the Donald thinks is appropriate, but a squillionth of $5Bn is still a lot, isn't it?' he asked.


*Harry the Bastard was under manager of the Watford branch of Rumbelows until the company folded in February 1995.  He's currently employed as a vetting agent for Reform Ltd.




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