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AI is sh!t, says report


A report into AI has suggested that Large Language Models, or LLMs, which underpin AI are sh!t.


'First, they just suck up information from any old place - the internet, Twitter and, God forbid, satire websites.  There's no quality control, no attempt at making sense, no rhyme or reason.  And that's just the satire sites,' said an expert today.


'We analysed hundreds of LLMs, pitched literally millions of questions, analysed and compared their answers and then produced this report,' he said, holding up a two thousand page document.  'Well, AI did all that, produced the report and concluded AI is sh!t.  And we believe it, who wouldn't?' he asked.




Windows CEO Satya Nadella explains why they introduced Windows 11


Satya Nadella: The numbers all go to eleven. Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and...


NewsBiscuit: Oh, I see. And most operating systems go up to ten?


Satya Nadella: Exactly.


NewsBiscuit: Does that mean it's better? Is it any better?


Satya Nadella: Well, it's one better, isn't it? It's not ten. You see, most users, you know, will be using ten. You're on ten here, all the way up, all the way up, all the way up, you're on ten on your PC. Where can you go from there? Where?


NewsBiscuit: I don't know.


Satya Nadella: Nowhere. Exactly. What we do is, if we need that extra push over the cliff, you know what we do?


NewsBiscuit: Put it up to eleven.


Satya Nadella: Eleven. Exactly. One better.


NewsBiscuit: Why don't you just make ten better and make ten be the top number and make that a little better?


Satya Nadella: [pause] This goes to eleven.


(Hat tip to Spinal Tap)




Amazon launches submarine delivery service – Amazon Slime


Amazon has launched a submarine delivery service following a widely publicised photo shoot on the Essex mudflats. The service, Amazon Slime, will use a fleet of specially adapted Amazonphibious vans that can avoid tax at depths of up to a thousand metres and can emerge from the water and take to the road.


Amazon Slime’s marketing director Nat Nautilus said: “This has been in development for some time and we’re delighted to formally announce this enhancement of our existing Prime service. With traffic on our motorways at unprecedented levels we’re discovering that the coastal route is often quicker.”


Where possible the adapted vans can also use the UK’s river network to make their deliveries. As news has spread crowds now line the banks of the River Severn to see Amazon Slime vans surf the Severn Bore. Local historian and Severn bore, Nigel Jones, sets this in historical context, although people have usually left by then.


Image: WixAI

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