UK experiences hottest day since last hot day

The Met Office has confirmed that the UK is in the middle of a heat wave - or maybe the beginning, possibly two thirds of the way through, but definitely is experiencing the hottest day since the last hot day. That would be the one last month, or maybe the month before, the day Reform thugs rioted outside a Wetherspoons or ladybirds infested every nook and cranny of every street up and down the UK.

Or that might have been 1976, ask your granny as she goes to Wetherspoons, supports Reform and probably still remembers 1976 like it was yesterday.  Grok believes the ladybirds were rioting over a huge amount of foreign greenfly and says it was definitely Wetherspoons where they succumbed to the heat and stuck to the carpets.  Who knew ladybirds were racists? @grok, are ladybirds racist?  It seems Grok knew.

A Met Office spokesperson said the unseasonably warm weather will continue until it stops, when it will probably be cooler, possibly wetter, maybe both. The change will happen later in the week or possibly the month.  Definitely by December, 2025 or 2026.

Photo by Artur Tarhoni on Unsplash

Trump’s tariff alchemy

After imposing tariffs of 50% on imports of steel, copper and aloominum, Donald Trump has announced generous new federal grants for alchemists.

Alchemists will be able to get grant funding to research how to turn base metal into steel, copper and aloominum. They will also qualify for 200% tax write-offs on all business expenses, including political donations.

The President has imposed tariffs on metal imports in order to boost domestic production, despite the fact that the USA does not have any significant deposits of iron, copper or aloominum. So alchemy could provide a solution. He has told America’s top universities (except Harvard) that all will be forgiven if their research can support domestic metal production.

Social scientists will also be able to access the funding, if their research can find a way of turning base Democrats into Republicans.

Man accused of reading Terms and conditions on a website

Graham Morgan, 59, has admitted in court to reading the terms and conditions for his supermarket app.  He asked the court to take into consideration thirty other sets of 'Ts & Cs' ranging from his BT online webpage to checking out the CeeBeebees webpage terms 'before letting my granddaughter near them'.  He admits his actions are unreasonable.

Website and app Terms and Conditions, AKA Ts & Cs, are reams of electronic pages of meaningless legal mumbo jumbo not intended to be read by anyone.  Notionally they exist to allow every website a user glances past the right to extract any data about the user with a view to sell said data and/or collaborate in the ransacking of their bank accounts.  There are usually standard clauses to claim exclusive rights to first-born children and blanket statements absolving them of any responsibility for anything, anywhere, ever.

Before sentencing, Morgan stated that most of the Ts & Cs he had read included a minimum of five virtual pages stating 'blah, blah, blah...' in blocks of twenty-eight 'blahs' per paragraph and the final sentence, just above the statement insisting that the reader pushes the 'I agree' button, reads 'We reserve the right to add in anything we think of here before, during or after the pressing of the "I Agree" button, and failure to push said button will result in your hard drive being reformatted.'

Sentencing has been delayed while lawyers representing Morgan pour over the sentencing Ts & Cs.  It's expected they'll just push the 'I Agree' button before they get a quarter-way through.