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Scientists at the Institute for Extreme Intelligence in Switzerland have trained a LLM (Large Language Model) to predict President Trump's behavior. They have had remarkable success in accurately predicting his next move, which runs counter to many peoples' view that Trump is utterly unpredictable.


After validating the predictions over the last two months they were astonished at how accurate the LLM had become. "We saw a 98% correspondence between the LLM's predictions and Trump's own actions" they said. The model has real implications for use in financial trading, where it can be used by traders and investors to avoid being stung by sudden swings in the stock markets.


The potential value of the software, however, may have been undercut by something they asked the LLM to do. "It functions like a very intelligent chatbot" they said "So we thought, why not ask it, how do you make these predictions so accurately?" Unfortunately, its answer may have given the game away, meaning the financial world can make the predictions themselves, without buying a license for the LLM.


When they asked about the basis for the predictions, it answered simply: "Within his political and legal constraints, using misleading words, he will do whatever is in Putin's best interests."


image from pixabay



Offices across the UK are reporting their highest attendance since the 2020 Pandemic as employees shun working from home to embrace an environment with air conditioning.


"We're seeing our best June for in-office working and sickness absences," said one head of HR. "Usually when it's a bit sunny we get lots of fortuitous tummy-bugs and non-specific illnesses. However, now the mercury's crept into the high-20's, people seem a lot more ready to get on with the tasks at hand so long as they can do them in a climate-controlled building."


Many companies are struggling to cope with the influx of people, having reduced their number of desks and office space in the expectation hybrid working would remain commonplace. "It's full to bursting out there," one company director told us. "So we've had to take a page out of the NHS's books and set people up at temporary workstations in corridors. Most are ok with it so long as they're within six feet of an air vent. We'd tried everything for bringing people back from their homes: Team-building sessions, discounted coffee, relaxed clothing rules on a Friday; it turns out all we needed was climate change to keep doing what it's doing."


With temperatures set to peak over the weekend, requests for overtime are also at an all-time high. "At this rate, we're going to run out of jobs to do and have people reorganising the stationary cupboard. If it doesn't cool down and staff don't get back to their kitchen tables and doing chores in parallel to working, we may have to consider redundancies, or hoping that all this close-proximity working causes another outbreak of something and a need to send everyone home."


image from pixabay


A leaked report from the office of the London Mayor Sadiq Khan sets out a plan to ban cooking at home.


“50% of domestic fires start in the kitchen,” says the report. “Therefore any credible fire prevention strategy has to start by banning cooking at home.


“Moreover, most of the remaining fires are caused by faults with electrical wiring or appliances, so they’ll have to go too. And having something as flammable as gas piped into every home is clearly just asking for trouble. 


“In short, we’re looking at a future of homes without any heating or light, where you can’t cook food - no of course you can’t build a campfire in your garden, are you crazy? But in return for completely throwing out modern civilisation, we’ll all be much safer, and it will also help bring London closer to net zero.


“Some would say this is a high price to pay, but looking at the Mayor’s transport strategy, I know this plan will be in line with his thinking.”


However, Khan is said to have spluttered into his latte when he read the report, saying “For God’s sake, we’re only pretending all the 20mph limits, Low Traffic Neighbourhoods and ULEZ zones are anything to do with safety. Has this guy been living under a rock?


“At the very least, we need some kind of system for fining people if they cook dinner or heat their homes. Otherwise we might end up making them safer without making a penny out of it.”


image from pixabay


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