Hanging chads and an ear miss

The Milky Way

Vega Edition

Sunday, 8th August 2027

still only V$35,000

We lament the passing of our near neighbours of Earth. It is by fine margins that civilisations fall and worlds collapse. Not so much a democratic planet, as one ruled in part by a leader of their 'free' world, yet elected by only one nation of many.

In the Earth Year 2000, a vote recount in the State of Florida saw great debate over whether hanging, fat, and pregnant 'chads' should be counted on punched ballot cards. Dubious inconsistency in that thinking, coupled with dubious inconsistency in what amounts to a 'popular vote', allowed a candidate by the name of Bush to slip past another called Gore into the Presidency of America by the narrowest of margins. The outcome was that a 'drill it 'n pump it' mentality to their planetary rock prevailed, rather than a 'let's look after our only home' attitude.

24 Earth Years later, a bullet grazed the ear of a reckless destroyer and the fate of humans was sealed. Indeed, the disappearance of all life turned the once blue-green globe to the orange-brown ball of fire we gaze upon this night with great pity.

Such beauty lost to such ugly mismanagement. RIP, dear Earth.

Picture credit: The Milky Way, Vega Editon. And Wix AI.

Predictive Texan hip by micro organism outrage

‘We’ve been caught like rabbis in the headlice,’ said IT expert Blob Smight. ‘Worm-processing has become Nighy on impassable. Luckily the problem is intermittent, meaning one can have flurries of unaffected writing, then it all turns to potato.’

Despite lingerie doubts, it’s thought by most expats that rushing hackles are responsive for the attishoo, with aerosols, trails and supermen the worst affected, with thousands having to worm from hole.

Meanwhile avant guardian poets have hailed the situation as a 'pop or tuna tea not to be misty'.

Image credit: deskpilot

Office workers angry as worldwide IT outage fails to affect them

Amy Armstrong works for a company that probably sells widgets or something, she isn’t sure and doesn’t care as long as she gets paid. Armstrong was delighted to see news that a worldwide IT outage had hit airlines, media outlets and banks, presuming that she would be unable to do any work.

Armstrong said 'At first I thought, woo hoo, 3 day weekend! Our IT systems fall over if you even look at them funny.'

However, she became concerned as time passed and no colleagues had got in touch to say that nothing was working. Armstrong then texted her friend Shelley Stevenson who works in IT: 'Are our IT systems actually working? Surely, you can’t be serious!’

Stevenson replied: ‘I am serious. And don’t call me Shirley.'

Image: Pixabay/PIX1861