Could you help someone disadvantaged this Christmas? Your kindness could make a real difference. Many MPs can't get by on their salaries and expenses alone. Freebie suits and dresses and spectacles are hard to come by these days. And the long term prospects for many MPs look grim. Have you seen the opinion polls? Many MPs can't go back to their wives this Christmas, because of their challenging behaviour. Others can't use their second homes as they are being staked out by the

Nigel Farage has demanded that terror organisations give him some notice before major atrocities so he can arrange to be near a camera. The Pound Shop Messiah has had a difficult few months, with an unexplained £900k house and an only-too-well-explained 10 year sentence for his top man in Wales. ‘We can’t have nosy journalists asking Nigel about his colleague working for Russia or a potentially dodgy house deal’, a spokesman explained. ‘So he’s been staying away lately. We’re

Aliens who have been hiding in plain sight for millennia and controlling every aspect of human endeavour have broken cover to deny the spaceship named 3I/ATLAS is a spacecraft and is really just a comet.  Unzipping his human exoskeleton to reveal his lizard body the leader of Reform stated clearly that any similarities between the comet and a spacecraft are coincidental and there is nothing to worry about, other than it being on a crash vector certain to wipe out all civilise

As driving examiners are on strike again, and as the waiting time for a driving test approaches two years in some places, the military...

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This year’s Christmas Radio Times is a record-breaking 1,200 pages, and costs £22. This year’s magazine lists the on-line festive offerings for the first time.  It has traditionally given comprehensive listings for terrestrial TV and some streaming services, but is now bowing to modern media usage. ‘People watch less and less TV, and more and more content on social media apps,’ says analyst Mike Teevee.  ‘The Radio Times was looking increasingly out of date.  The clue’s in th

News today Environment Control Officers are to be issued with portable electron microscopes to examine high street pavements for subatomic traces of rubber and leather being shed from the shoes of pedestrians. Those whose footwear who falls foul of inspection will be charged with littering and can expect to see on the spot fines of a cool £300 for each shoe, boot or trainer. Former abattoir slaughterman and struck-off bailiff from Reading, Baz Clampett, is now one such newly

'On the face of it, the UK should boycott the Eurovision Song Contest, if only because it isn't a song contest.  It's an exercise in political voting, which is democracy in action,' said a UK spokesman today.  Most of Europe, especially Australia, the most European country in the southern hemisphere, has decided to boycott the contest because Israel, the most European not European country even allowing for Australia is still allowed in. However song experts, who don't routine

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The BBC says it will be giving its TV current affairs programme Panorama a complete make-over following revelations that reporter Martin...

Winner: Sinnick Runners-Up: "Of all the places to run in to your ex." (MrQ); "Going with the floe." (Midfield Diamond).

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Britain's only supersonic rail journey, taking commuters from Manchester to London Euston in under 10 minutes, has been cancelled by the Office of the Rail Regulator in next year's timetable changes. The imaginary service, operated by 13-year-old Gavin Spectacles from Crewe on his Hornby OO-gauge train set, was axed after repeated pleas from his mum. "He should be playing football across the road in the Rec instead of sitting in the attic watching them things go round and rou