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Immediately after announcing his resignation as leader of the Conservative Party, Boris Johnson said he would stand in next week’s elections for the 1922 Committee executive.


'As I am, errr…that is to say…no longer leader of the party, I am, ipso facto, not a senior Tory and urgo I am duly eligible to join the 1922 Committee and stand for its executive. QED!'


Had Johnson not resigned, it was widely expected that the new executive would have changed its rules so backbenchers did not need to wait a year between launching no confidence votes in the leader.


In an unexpected twist, Johnson has now come out in favour of changing the rules and is making this a key strand of his campaign.


He said the rules should clearly state that if the party leader resigns but stays on as Prime Minister. 'Out of the goodness of my...I mean their…heart to ensure stability over the summer, then the post of Prime Minister must be inferred on them for my…I mean their…lifetime.'


He added that anybody called Gove should be barred for any leadership bid and should be given the title of "oily, little snake-like traitor".


'I completely see the need to change these rules, he said. 'It is crucial to the survival of my career…I mean democracy within the party.'


Jacob Rees-Mogg described the proposals as “eminently sensible” and offered his resignation from the Cabinet in support.


story: stanleym


First published 9 July 2022



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Dear Honourable Sir Kier, great lord and master,


We the undersigned, who've been sitting on the other side of the House for the past 14 years wearing red trousers and sneering at you, admit that regrettably, at a few points in the past, we may have called you a vile quasi-communist cockroach for serving on the Labour front bench under the leadership of Jeremy Corbyn.


We may also have called you Britain's Little Hitler in chief for advocating lockdowns during the pandemic.


It may also conceivably be possible that we repeatedly yelled across the chamber during PM Questions that you were an unutterably boring piece of dried-up kelp and a great steaming human bollard.


We may also have called your lovable deputy a sullen, sour-faced minx and told Rachel Reeves that she couldn't think her way out of a wet Co-op paper bag.


Since learning the results of the local elections, we have suddenly realised that these statements were entirely misguided and untrue, and that all this time we had been yearning to advance the causes of social democracy and trade unionism.


Therefore, we would like very much to defect to your side of the House, really sharpish, so that we can stand for our seats as Labour candidates in the upcoming general election - thus avoiding becoming political roadkill in a Tory meltdown which we now realise is totally on the cards.


This, of course, has nothing to do with the fact that no one, absolutely no one, has responded to our bleating pleas on Linkedin for post-election directorships and such like. People must think we are unemployable, for some reason.


If you let us join you, we promise to think up some really spiteful and vitriolic put-downs to yell at the senior Tories we used to grovel to - Sunak, for instance, or whatever hapless sod succeeds him as leader.


Shameless and rat-like, that's what we are. You could use people like us.


Signed,


150 desperate Tory MPs.

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