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Computer hacker 'spoofs' Conservative Party 1922 Committee inbox




A devious computer hacker has set up an account called VoteOfNoConfidence@1922_Committee.co.uk which looks all genuine and everything. Known in hackerworld as a 'spoof', Conservative politicians have been duped into submitting their votes of no confidence in Prime Minister Boris Johnson to this email address.


'Tories are notoriously lazy,' said the unnamed hacker. 'They just can't be arsed to do anything for anyone else, never mind follow the official submission process of delivering a printed letter on officially headed paper by hand to the Chairman of the 1922 Committee on bended knee with bowed head while revealing a nipple and tickling his exposed testicle.'


'What I have done is create a method which is so simple and easy to do that even self-absorbed right-wing MPs might actually get around to it, rather than staving off doing anything by insisting they need to wait for the results of Sue Gray's next urine test.


'The account only required 54 votes of no confidence, but there were already over 300 in there this morning. The best bit is that Boris Johnson has been constantly badgering the Chairman about the numbers; they are both certain it's only 2 and there's nothing to worry about, but Johnson is spaff up the wall when I reveal the true amount.'




First published 27 May 2022


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Warnings of 'Ghost brokers' targeting 16 to 25 year-olds with fake car insurance online


When your premium's high, and you don't know why

Who you gon' call? (Ghost Brokers!)

You got no cash, and then don't be rash

Please don't call (Ghost Brokers!)


I ain't afraid of no ghost

I ain't afraid of no ghost


If you cover's fake, you'll get no break

You shouldn't call (Ghost Brokers!)

You'll face a fine, or do jail time

Because you called (Ghost Brokers!)


I ain't afraid of no ghost

Uh, I ain't afraid of no ghost


Who you gon' call? (Ghost Brokers!)

If your premium's grown, don't pick up the phone

And call (Ghost Brokers!)


image by Google Gemini

Fears grow that there will be no presents this Xmas, as Santa outsources deliveries to Evri


Festive panic is sweeping the nation after Santa Claus announced he will be outsourcing Christmas gift deliveries to Evri and other mainstream courier companies this year.


Santa said he has been forced to make logistical changes, confessing that Rudolph and the other reindeer are all getting on a bit, and are now more arthritic than magical. “They’ve done wonderfully up to now,” Santa said of his reindeer, “but Dasher’s knees click like a Geiger counter, Prancer needs a sit-down after going up a slight incline and Blitzen has started asking about retirement. Rudolph’s nose still lights up,” Santa explained, “but mostly because it’s inflamed. We had to face facts.”


Under the new system, presents will be distributed by a range of courier services, including Evri, Yodel and Royal Mail, prompting widespread concern that Christmas morning will involve less unwrapping and more frantic checking of tracking numbers. Many fear that children will wake up to find their gifts ‘delivered’ somewhere near the property, possibly balanced on a wheelie bin, lobbed over a fence into a puddle, or at a neighbour’s house three doors down who swears blind they haven’t seen anything. One parent reported already receiving a notification stating their child’s Xbox has been delivered to ‘a safe place,’ though they have no idea where that might be.


Even more alarming is the prospect of waking on Christmas Day and finding nothing but ‘attempted delivery’ cards, explaining that no one was home at 3am on Christmas Eve despite the entire household being asleep upstairs, and that another attempt will be made ‘sometime between January and March’.

Some presents will be delivered by Amazon, arriving promptly but inside boxes large enough to briefly destabilise the Earth’s rotation. Experts estimate that by Boxing Day, Britain’s living rooms will contain more cardboard than furniture, forcing families to spend the day flattening boxes, and Googling ‘when does the recycling centre reopen?’


Santa has urged calm, insisting the magical spirit of Christmas remains intact. “It’s still Christmas,” he said cheerfully. “Just… with tracking.”


When asked how he’ll be spending Christmas this year, Santa replied, “Well, I usually sleep all Christmas Day, to recover from working on Christmas Eve. But this year, I’ll be relaxing with Mrs Claus, and enjoying a lovely Christmas dinner – roast Rudolph, with all the trimmings. 


"Ho ho ho, Merry Christmas!”



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