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A woman has sold a house for a profit, a mere 17 years after buying it. This 'event' has provoked horror from leading Conservatives and several right-wing newspapers, because the woman is Angela Rayner - definitely the 'fun one' on a shadow cabinet girls night out.


Professional frother-at-the-mouther Clementine Carruthers salivated 'No self respecting Tory MP would only make 48k over 17 years from a house. Phil and especially Kirsty would have a fit. At the very least a Conservative MP would have claimed Parliamentary expenses for the second of two entirely fictitious moats, then have his hedge fund quadruple mortgage the place, then sell it to a Russian oligarch for a massive profit, then immediately buy it back from a Russian oligarch at a suspiciously knockdown price, then keep the money from a VIP lane multi-million pound PPE contract that a house obviously couldn't fulfil, then register the house as a limited company in the Bahamas, then declare that company bankrupt, then quintuple the rent at zero notice, in order to evict the young family who can no longer afford to live there, on to the street. And the cause of the fire that burned it all down afterwards was never found.' 


'Angela Rayner's behaviour - buying an ex-council house, living in the house, then selling it nearly 2 decades later - makes me physically sick. We just cannot tolerate this kind of social mobility. It will not do, to give the oiks hope, when it's our duty to crush their dreams and destroy their futures.'


'Anyway, women can't own property, can they? That's political correctness gone mad.'





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Ange: Kettle's on, Keith. Fancy a cuppa?

Keith: Well, that is an interesting proposition. I can definitely say that I am thirsty, but what are the options? Tea or coffee are strong contenders. However, I can't rule out a herbal alternative at this stage. It may also depend on what sort of milk is in the fridge. Skimmed, full fat or, perhaps, oat. If available, I would go for long life, but that will depend on further investigation.

Ange: Forget it Keith. Water's gone off the boil now.





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Now that there will be no reason to bolster Boris Johnson's fortunes and the Durham police have announced they won't be prosecuting Kier Starmer or Angela Rayner, the Daily Mail looks likely to be little more an advertising medium for crooked companies hoping to fleece pensioners of any savings they may have accrued. Readers have been pointing out how much ink will now be saved in printing the rag and are demanding the price should reflect this.


Doris Clegg 89 of Wakefield said: 'I still buy it to line the bottom of the budgie cage, but only because it happens to be just the right size. They conned me into voting Tory in 2019, but as you can see, I won't be doing that twice, so I welcome the saving on ink, but think they're taking the piss by charging for a newspaper with no stories in it.'

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