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One bad apple not spoiling the barrel because the rest are truly rancid


Some newly elected bad apples have barely had time to fester and stink up the place before being forced to resign over being really bad apples. These apples were bitter and disgusting and wouldn’t even have made the grade for a supermarket's own brand cider.


The curiously well-funded orchard - where these bad apples are grown - have tried to claim that, despite a few bad apples, the rest of the barrels are unaffected. That is despite the putrid stench caused by all the things those apples have done, said and posted online.


A cursory inspection revealed that the bottom of these barrels have not yet been fully scraped, so more waves of as yet unimaginable filth seem crushingly inevitable.



Image credit: Wix AI

New era as Adam and Eve replace The Serpent as Apple boss


Adam and Eve, the current heads of the Garden of Eden shortly, will take over on 1 September and The Serpent will be cursed to crawl on its belly as executive chairman.


The Serpent will stay as chief executive through the summer to work with Adam and Eve on the transition from nudity, to being fully clothed. After that it will "assist with certain aspects such as banishment from the garden, introducing death and manual labour".


This follows months of speculation that the Apple comes from the Tree of Knowledge, and eating it would make Adam and Eve "like God," knowing good and evil.


The Serpent described having the Apple as "the greatest privilege of my life" and during his tenure he led the fruit to become one of the most valuable in the world.


It described Eve as a "visionary", adding "Eve is without question the right person to take the Apple lead humanity into the future".


'I am filled with optimism about what we can achieve in the years to come,' Adam said.


'I am very thankful for everything the Serpent has done and I am very thankful for the Apple.'


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