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Wordle to replace CBeebies, CBBC

Writer: stewartbarclay
stewartbarclay
Jan 20


Secretary of State for Eating Ostrich Anus, Nadine Dorries, is fully defunding the pinko, commie, Britain-hating BBC, to ingratiate herself with the Daily Mail and Rupert Murdoch. Co-conspirator in hate Julia Hartley-Brewer added the BBC shouldn't produce content that she herself doesn’t directly consume – she finds CBeebies too advanced. Dorries is therefore replacing all CBeebies and CBBC programmes with Wordle, the free, once-a-day, 5-letter game. Once the game is completed the channels will play the national anthem on a loop. In solidarity, Dorries’ next novel will contain no words longer than 5 letters.


Parent Karolina Krychowiak noted ‘If you come for CBeebies, we will kill you and make it look like an accident. Mr Tumble is always watching. Words that describe the Tories mostly have 4 letters, but I suppose the plurals have 5.’



First published 20 Jan 2022


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BBC alienates last remaining viewer

Writer: Wrenfoe
Wrenfoe
Jan 18


Paul Singh (58) had doggedly stuck by the UK broadcaster through thick and thicker, enduring the BBC being accused of bias, corruption and three series of Mrs Brown’s Boys. The last straw for Paul, was when the BBC Panorama ran a five-part documentary entitled ‘Why Paul Singh is a C$nt?’.


Said long-suffering Paul: ‘I’m not saying I don’t like shoddy journalism, vacuous game shows and pontificating celebrities – it’s just that I’ve already got ITV’.




First published 18 Jan 2022


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Row as Gove's lift doors aren't welded shut

Writer: apepper
apepper
Jan 11


An enquiry has been launched at Broadcasting House following delays yesterday in a welding team to arrive to weld shut lift doors containing Michael Gove.


A spokesman explained the chain of events; "At around 8am, Mr Gove entered, what I now understand, was a specially prepared lift. Unfortunately, notification of this wasn't passed onto the UK Risk Containment Board and the welding team wasn't scrambled until it was too late and Mr Gove had escaped, er, left the lift."


It's understood that the lift containing Mr Gove was planned to be sold to a group of somewhat irate fishermen.





First published 11 Jan 2022


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