Harry the Bastard to join Trump in class action libel case against BBC

In an unexpected legal move, Harry the Bastard has become a co-litigant in the libel case brought by President Trump against the BBC.

'I was libelled good and proper on the Young Ones sitcom in the eighties,' said Harry today.  'The BBC insinuated that I was an employee of Rumbelows and I've always disputed that*.  It never turned a profit and disappeared under Thatcher's watch.  Nothing to do with me.  I've never disputed being a right bastard, but working at a low-end electrical retailer, that's akin to suggesting I incited an insurrection at the White House.

'Which is why I've joined forces with President Trump, who was also misrepresented by the BBC.  They find for Trump, he wins, so I win.  They find for me, I win, so he wins.  I'm happy to split the $5Bn fifty-fifty, or whatever the Donald thinks is appropriate, but a squillionth of $5Bn is still a lot, isn't it?' he asked.

*Harry the Bastard was under manager of the Watford branch of Rumbelows until the company folded in February 1995.  He's currently employed as a vetting agent for Reform Ltd.

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Trump v BBC law suit will likely force some changes in programming

'We've entrusted the BBC's governors to oversee our defence against President Trump's libel suit,' said a spokes-antenna for the corporation, 'and that almost definitely means we'll lose the case and have to pay him a fortune.

'With that in mind," continued the spokes-cheque, "we're replacing our regular TV schedule with an exciting new economy line of programmes.

'East Enders will be replaced with Ceased Enders, where viewers can watch scene shifters take apart the set on Albert Square so it can be flogged to Sky.

'Top Gearbox will see the madcap team go to a Unipart warehouse to compare gearboxes for price and quality.

'There'll be Dr Who Can Lend Us A Fiver and our new charity fundraiser, Corporation in Need.

'And everyday we'll be screening an exhilarating new psycho-drama called Transmission Test Card, featuring a girl playing noughts and crosses with a creepy clown doll.

'We're expecting the whole of Britain to be riveted to their screens, waiting for him to come to life and draw a nought.

Traitor - live coverage via smartphone of the internal enquiry into who edited the Panorama footage of Trump's speech

Unfortunately, we can't give you any more examples of new cut price programmes but others believed to be under consideration are.

Corporation In Need

Ronnie Barker in Open on Tuesday Afternoons Only

Physician Assistant Who

Race Across The Isle of Wight Celebrity Love Handles

The Only Show

Celebrity Race to the Bus Station Gone Fly Tipping

Shoplifting in Paradise

hat-tips: sirlupus, deskpilot, lockjaw

BBC to make low-cost docudrama about Trump Panorama

'It's what the BBC does best, making low-cost docudramas about real events,' said a BBC spokesman today.  'With worldwide syndication costs expected to bring in about $5 Billion and production costs estimated at about thirty quid then the Beeb breaks even if it loses, launches another radio station if it wins,' he added.  'Or can afford to keep paying Kuenssberg her salary for another year'.

The docudrama is expected to include real footage from the Trump statement it edited on Panorama intertwined with the broadcast version on Panorama (with subtitles alerting viewers the former was by a certifiable crackpot and the latter was edited by one, too).  Then there will be the dramatised courtroom segment intercut with the lawyers talking out of court, discussing strategy, legal points and which Ferrari the case will buy them (both sides).  A pair of mock juries will be shown the drama, each with a unique twist (one based on truth and the other based on Truth Social), with opposite results expected.

The BBC hope they can convince President Trump himself to appear in a cameo that will lend authenticity to his character while destroying his real-time court case.  Alternatively they hope the BBC lawyers can get him to appear in the real court case just to destroy his real-time court case.  Both options are preferred.

'There's a lot riding on this,' said the BBC spokesman, 'including my bonus.

Panorama are understood to be making a documentary about the docudrama about the Panorama show that spawned the docudrama.  They are also planning a Panorama about the furore expected about them making a documentary about the Panorama show that spawned the docudrama.  There might be a docudrama about that, too.   'Trust me, the BBC isn't going anywhere fast, ' said the spokesman.