top of page
Search

Trump finds Fentanyl in Greenland


Much to the concern of Denmark, the US is set to designate Greenland as a rogue terrorist state, which is one threat level below 'country that has oil'. Accusing Greenland of drug production is usually a precursor to invading or 'freedomizing' as the CIA call it.


Greenland will become the 53rd state, after Venezuela and Jeffrey Epstein's sex island. The indigenous people will be preserved in the same way native Americans were - so probably in pickle.


Greenland is very lucky that democracy is coming to them, despite already being a democracy, but this type of democracy comes with no universal health care. Said one General: 'If we don't find Fentanyl, our Big Pharma will bring its own.'


Blair: Everyone will catch Covid in 45mins




The former PM and unrepentant liar has given the anti-vax movement a significant boost by promoting a fourth vaccine. Complained one scientist: 'Great, just what we needed, an endorsement by Harold Shipman'.


The snake-oil salesman insisted the fourth jab was necessary, as Saddam Hussain had caused Covid. Said one voter: 'I assume Blair has just been lobbied by big Pharma to inject us with Bill Gates' nanobots. Either that, or he'll dose us up with Rohypnol and steal our bank details.


Blair explained that he would coordinate the injections from a secluded wood. It would be administered by a nice MI5 man and we won't 'feel a thing'. And, anyway, the autopsy report would just say suicide.



First published 23 Dec 2021


If you enjoyed this archive item, why not buy thousands of archive stories found in our eBooks, paperbacks and hardbacks?
















RFK Jr: 'Why I cancelled funds for vaccine research'


RFK Jr briefly stopped snorting massive lines of Colombia's finest to issue the following statement:


'Big Pharma has been slacking off! Big Pharma hasn’t found a way to cure of chronic left wing tendencies, which are clearly aberrant and anti-American and a threat to the natural order of things. And I’m worried that other countries, like Russia and Iran and North Korea may have already cracked this problem, and stolen a lead on the U S of A.


Why hasn’t Big Pharma been on the case? Because it’s been fooling around trying to solve problems we don’t have, like the common cold, or dementia, or arrogance, or bad driving, or obesity, or climate change, or whatever.


So I have cancelled funding for leading edge vaccines to help big pharma to focus on more pressing problems. I want Big Pharma to find a cure for left-wing tendencies and the related conditions called unexplained democratic voting syndrome (UDVS) and Trump-Scepticism. Those companies need to get their best people on that straight away. And they need to give them the best laboratories, the best offices, and the best secretaries, too. With absolutely no expectation of campaign donations in return. No, Sir!


As soon as Big Pharma has a good lead on how to cure left-wing tendencies, then this government will be piling in with billions of dollars for clinical trials, factories, marketing campaigns, and animal testing, and whatever. Yes, Siree!


And maybe then we can talk again about vaccines for Covid and measles and Ebola and stuff.'


bottom of page