Pharmaceutical firm Methpusha today announced the launch of a new drug to tackle the nation’s obesity crisis.
To be marketed under the brand name Fatibumbum, though its scientific name is Greggspasti, the new drug will work in an entirely different way to competing drugs already on the market.
“In the past, we’ve concentrated on mimicking the feeling of fullness, so people will eat less,” said company spokesman Shy Gadarene. “Unfortunately, our new parent company also owns a number of fast food franchises, so they weren’t too happy about that.
“So instead we’ve focussed on a drug that makes people ignore any advice that being fat is bad for them, or in any way undesirable.
“And it’s worked. In clinical trials, subjects who were given the drug were up to 50% more likely to use phrases like ‘If you listened to everything doctors say, you’d never do anything’ or ‘What does it matter? I might get hit by a bus tomorrow’. They also showed astonishing ability to avoid mirrors, and to convince themselves that they only need quadruple extra large t-shirts because they’re made in China ‘where people are smaller’.
“Unfortunately, we haven’t been able to make the pills taste nice. But they go down easily enough if you hide them in a Big Mac.”
Asked whether it wasn’t massively irresponsible to convince people it’s OK to be overweight when all medical evidence says otherwise, the spokesman said “Well who knows, maybe we’ll come up with another drug which means you can be obese without it being bad for you. We’re already working on one that prevents fat old men who take our anti-impotence pills having heart attacks during sex. We’re just losing too many customers.”
image from pixabay
