Just Stop Oil (JSO) and their sister organisation Extremely Serious about Stopping Oil (ESSO) are abandoning superglue now that the law forbids 'locking on'.
They will instead use Blu-tack. Protesters will be easy to remove, but it's going to take ages to get the Blu-tack out of your soft furnishings.
In a media massacre on the scale of the Battle of the Somme, Twitter has culled verified accounts, much to the consternation of narcissists everywhere. Celebs are said to be in a daze asking 'who am I?', 'what's my purpose?' and 'how can I make this about me?'.
Many have been cut down in their prime, sometimes even in mid-sentence. Mourners will wear poppies out of respect for the sheer amount of cocaine these people consumed. But sadly those who must not be forgotten, are too quickly forgotten without a social media feed.
Complained one celeb: 'I've been running my Twitter account for 10 years. Well, not me personally. I've a team of interns to do it. But without my tick, how will people know its the real fake me?'
