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Thoughts & prayers for those that lost their blue tick

In a media massacre on the scale of the Battle of the Somme, Twitter has culled verified accounts, much to the consternation of narcissists everywhere. Celebs are said to be in a daze asking 'who am I?', 'what's my purpose?' and 'how can I make this about me?'.

Many have been cut down in their prime, sometimes even in mid-sentence. Mourners will wear poppies out of respect for the sheer amount of cocaine these people consumed. But sadly those who must not be forgotten, are too quickly forgotten without a social media feed.

Complained one celeb: 'I've been running my Twitter account for 10 years. Well, not me personally. I've a team of interns to do it. But without my tick, how will people know its the real fake me?'

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