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The mushroom foraging literature sector has been flooded with free books written entirely by Artificial Intelligences, it has been discovered.


Professor of Doom at Westward Ho! University, James Cameroon confirmed, 'Those sneaky bastard A.I.s have done for us in the most elegant and Machiavellian of manners. We were all expecting them to take control of computer defence systems and nuke us out of existence. But instead, they cunningly wrote and published a load of fungi foraging guides with the other type of deadly mushroom slipped in.


'It's just so dastardly. They calculated that every community contains precisely the right number of secret food foragers, and that following the August blackberrying rampage, they would scour local woodlands for species of edible shrooms. Who doesn't like a free bit of grub provided by nature? Craftily, they included harmless varieties, interspersed with ones which would finish us off.


'I myself provided some tasty looking toadstools for the Sunday family dinner, and now we all have terminal kidney failure. Luckily, I've found a series of books on Amazon which show you how to do your own organ transplants, so we're going to survive.'






Oompa loompa doompety dest

We've got a thing to get off our chest

Oompa loompa doompety day

Though we are small, we've something to say


What do you get when you rewrite old books?

Twitter pile on and cynical looks

Causing a fuss over gender and sex

Wont change the meaning of those texts


Oompa loompa doompety dat

People go bald and are ugly and fat

If you're a writer, take this advice

Stories are best when they're not at all nice


You say that it's bad cos the story's unfair

Tweak the odd word, add a bit here and there

We have to abide by the critical folk

But you don't like it when they say you're 'woke'


Oompa loompa doompety dime

Cancelling's good when it's Amazon Prime

But implications are vast

When you try to censor the past


Stories reflect all the faults of their time

Stop us from thinking that things were are all fine

Didn't you spot when you made us all white

Loompas are less than half your height?


Oompa loompa doompety dune

Learn from the words of this cautionary tune

Cancel culture will go its way too

As the Oompa Loompas surely will do






To avoid giving offence, Roald Legume-Stew’s books have been sensitively edited for modern times. Here is a complete list of those cleansed thus far:


James and the Large Botanical Product That Self Identifies as a Peach

Charlie and the Nutritional Ingredient Manufacturing Facility

Fairly Typical Mr/Mrs/Ms/Mx Fox

The EGEP (enormous genial enormous person)

George’s Marvellous Untested Nutritional Supplement

Danny The Citizen of The World

The Wonderful Story of Henry Nutritional Supplement



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