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"We really miss Boris Johnson" - Despondent journalists pen open letter to Starmer

Updated: Aug 2, 2025

A number of Westminster press pack members have written an open letter to Keir Starmer begging him to ditch his bland, magnolia, completely insipid and totally nothing persona. Urging him to "buck up and adopt a more Boris Johnson like approach to the job".


One of the letter's signatories explained: 'Obviously, when in office Boris was an utterly feckless buffoon. He wouldn't have known the truth if it bit him on the arse. He had no understanding of important policy details and absolutely zero ability for the job whatsoever. And of course he hadn't a shred of personal integrity.


'But, I mean. Come on. It was never a dull moment. One minute he be hiding from us in a fridge, the next he was involved in illicit piss-ups at No.10 during lockdown. Blagging the cost of his wallpaper from the taxpayer, then all the stuff about his inability to keep little Boris in his trousers. Not to mention running roughshod over the very concept of common decency and continually lying to parliament. By God he was good for column inches and sales.'  


Downing Street has yet to comment but a spokesman for the PM said: 'Look, keep this under you hats for now. I can't see Keir going full Boris, though we're lining up a photo op where he's going to run through a field of wheat without first having cleared it with the farmer.' 


image from pixabay


We didn't start the liar



Brexit, covid, lockdown way too late

Parliament prorogued, then partygate

Cummings drives to Durham

Contracts given to chums

Hancock, mancock, competent not

Cobra missed, Downing street pissed

Ethics going, going, gone


We didn’t start the liar

He was always lying, as the planet’s dying

We didn’t start the liar

We don’t deserve it, so we’re going to fight it


Northern Ireland protocol screwed

EU can go to hell

Downing Street, gold wallpaper

Pincher by name and nature

Pandering to Russian donors

Undertaking extra-marital boners

Cop 26 just a cop out


We didn’t start the liar

He was always lying, as the planet’s dying

We didn’t start the liar

We don’t deserve it, so we’re going to fight it




First published 23 Jul 2022


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Boris Johnson to stand for 1922 Committee executive


Immediately after announcing his resignation as leader of the Conservative Party, Boris Johnson said he would stand in next week’s elections for the 1922 Committee executive.


'As I am, errr…that is to say…no longer leader of the party, I am, ipso facto, not a senior Tory and urgo I am duly eligible to join the 1922 Committee and stand for its executive. QED!'


Had Johnson not resigned, it was widely expected that the new executive would have changed its rules so backbenchers did not need to wait a year between launching no confidence votes in the leader.


In an unexpected twist, Johnson has now come out in favour of changing the rules and is making this a key strand of his campaign.


He said the rules should clearly state that if the party leader resigns but stays on as Prime Minister. 'Out of the goodness of my...I mean their…heart to ensure stability over the summer, then the post of Prime Minister must be inferred on them for my…I mean their…lifetime.'


He added that anybody called Gove should be barred for any leadership bid and should be given the title of "oily, little snake-like traitor".


'I completely see the need to change these rules, he said. 'It is crucial to the survival of my career…I mean democracy within the party.'


Jacob Rees-Mogg described the proposals as “eminently sensible” and offered his resignation from the Cabinet in support.


story: stanleym


First published 9 July 2022



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