Logan Paul set for rematch as world agrees to punch him in the face

After having gone toe to toe and accountant to accountant with Floyd Mayweather, the Youtuber is set to box the entire population of the planet, as we all take turns at trying to wipe the smile off his stupid face. With ‘$1 a pop’, Paul is set to raise $7.9bn – which will help fund his goal of buying a proper surname.

The logistics of the fight will be difficult, as it will involve a queue of fighters hundreds of thousands of miles long and an oversubscribed parking facility. Each round will last months, and fans are advised to bring a year’s supply of popcorn.

Paul is expected to go the distance, but his face is not. Despite being reduced to a bloody neck stump, many of his 15 million followers feel this will improve his Vlogging output. Infamous for mocking suicide victims, Paul has no shortage of opponents. Said one: ‘I’m not a violent person, but he’s got such a punchable face. It would be great to a rematch of the rematch; he’s also got such a kickable scrotum.’