Basic Clocks Startled At Being Forced To Lose An Hour

Inexpensive battery powered clocks all across the land are being startled this morning by being hastily pulled down from their usual vantage point, having their round button which attaches to their delicate hard-working hands wrenched backwards and then being replaced without so much as a dusting or a thank you for your service.

The kitchen clock with a jolly design of vegetables was first to experience this indignity. It hopes the person that twiddled its settings will be inexplicably hungry an hour before dinner this evening. Shiny black and silver sitting room clock which doesn’t even have minute segments was shocked to descend from the usual place and be twisted into the past. It hopes that the sun shines on its glass later, making it unreadable. Spare bedroom clock with the loud tick was the last to be fumbled with. It plans to keep future guests awake with a slightly louder tick than normal until they crack and put it in the wardrobe.

The infrequently worn Casio calculator watch smirking on the sideboard was pleased at having escaped having his buttons mashed and looks forward to causing time based confusion soon. The iPhone which was used as the definitive guide to the correct time enjoyed the tour of the house and congratulated itself on already knowing of the hour to be lived twice.

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/stocksnap-894430/

Bilingual' Englishman admits all he can do is translate between English and Northern English	In print now	Prince Redacted has a redacted

www.newsbiscuit.com

First published 31 Oct 2021

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Insomniacs looking forward to another hour awake in bed

With Daylight Saving Time coming to an end on Saturday, insomniacs up and down the country are looking forward to another hour lying awake in bed staring at the ceiling.

'I count sheep,' said Dave, a lifelong insomniac.  'I average about one sheep a second and in a normal night I count a flock of thirty-two thousand, four-hundred sheep.  When the clocks go back, the flock swells to thirty-six thousand sheep,' he said.  'When I get up, I imagine letting the flock escape to new pastures,' he added.

'I count illegal immigrants,' said Ralph, a Reform councillor, admitting that he counts one a second as well.  'I don't waste them like Dave,' he said, 'I add them to the Reform illegal immigrant watch list used in all our publicity.  That's how we claim nearly twelve million illegals arriving by boat each year,' he added.

Dave rubbed his eyes at Ralph's claims, not believing that his shared trauma could be used to weaponise their shared affliction.  'You imagine immigrants and use the results to falsify your claims?' he asked.  'I don't know how you sleep at night,' he said.

Image credit: perchance.org

Please remember to put your mother forward an hour on Sunday Morning

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