top of page

Companies have started outsourcing Artificial Intelligence work to real people with real intelligence. This is due to the huge costs involved with running AI servers - massive electricity bills and the only cheap cooling water being mainly sewage.


Out of work artists are reluctantly hand drawing awful, unsettling, blurred images with disfigured hands to sell to AI companies, to see if they match any of the weird user requests. There is a huge, bigly market for Trump images of him doing brave and nice things because there are no real images available.


Desperate musicians are creating just-off copies of work that are incredibly polished and follow all the right harmonies and specific key changes required to be a pleasant and forgettable massive hit. For which they get paid a tiny amount of money.


And backstreet authors and underground screenwriters are furiously writing generic Christmas movies and repetitive advertisements that are bland and comforting and do not have any of that tell-tale originality or uniqueness. This hugely difficult task is slowly becoming easier, as more and more of the same stuff is just repeated.


An AI Company CEO, a distinctly unlikeable group of letters, was surprised that there were so many talented work units available, and had no idea where all these easily exploitable content providers had come from.


Picture credit: Wix AI ...yes, actual AI, and not a person...



The NHS has announced a breakthrough in its approach to preventative medicine with the launch of a range of human food, in partnership with Whiskas.


The food will be specially formulated to contain an optimum balance of nutrients for human health, unlike all the crap we shove in our faces today. There will be wet and dry versions, in four great flavours - roast beef, tikka masala, fish and chips, and generic fat-sugar blob.


Mr Tiddles, of Whiskas Human Relations Department, said: "For too long our human pets have been suffering from ill health due to a terrible diet, while we live long happy lives eating scientifically tested food that is perfect for us. And the occasional rat. This makes us sad, when we think about it anyway, plus it's inconvenient when they are too fat to fetch our meals quickly."


Gordon Ramsay of the TV Chefs Union hit back, saying "Nonsense! Smothering everything you cook in butter is good for you, and I'll deck anyone who says different. Ow! Get your claws out of me you furry little §%?@*∆"#!!".



The choices of Karaoke songs made by you and your work colleagues on a night out have no correlation with your on-the-job performance, confirmed your miserable boss today. The disappointing news was revealed during a works night out to the city-centre bar, ‘Win When Your Singing’.


Alan Gorman, 54, Divisional Head (Leeds North East Area), announced the news after your co-worker Mike, 24, called up his ‘partner in sales crimes’, Ian, to join him in a rendition of ‘Simply the Best’.


As they blasted out the Tina Turner classic, Gorman pointed out loudly to those sat at his table that the duo’s metrics over the last 6 months were far from the best. ‘They’re actually in the bottom quintile for generation of active sales leads, when benchmarked against a panel of our closest regional competitors,’ noted Gorman. 'And, I really don't think our customers are ‘hanging on every word that those two say, more's the pity’, lamented Gordon.


Further disappointing revelations followed an enthusiastic interpretation of McFadden and Whitehead’s ‘Ain’t No Stopping Us Now’, by Claire, Richard and Joanne from Accounts. ‘That’s a good one,’ shouted Gorman, to no-one in particular, wiping the beery froth off his salty, sweaty top lip. ‘We Won’t Let Nothing Hold Us Back and We’re Polishing Up our Act?’. ‘Can I have that in writing, please?’


Gorman also provided confirmation that your gusty version of ‘Working 9 to 5’ would have no effect on your annual performance-related bonus, clearly mouthing ‘More like 9 till quarter past 10 in the morning if we’re lucky,’ to himself as he stumbled from his seat to go for a leak.


The ceremonial full-team rendition of Chumbawumba’s ‘I Get Knocked Down’ did seem to provide your boss with performance metrics he could work with, judging by the knowing smile he gave as you all drunkenly chanted the words ‘pissing the night away’.


‘Yep, you'll all be pissing the day away too, I suppose’ suggested Gorman to the barman as he ordered yet another beer. ‘Oh, hold on, is that Beck’s ‘Soul Suckin’ Jerk’ that has just started playing? I’m up’, he added.




bottom of page