Boris demonstrates how to make a government entirely from leftovers

Embracing the 'womble' tag that has often been used to describe his appearance, UK Prime-Minister-for-now Boris Johnson has assembled anv entire government from the politicians that "ordinary folks left behind".

Last seen rummaging in a Westminster skip looking for an Education Secretary, Johnson promised to cut political waste with his Real Junk Minister project.

Representatives of the UK's food waste charities have sought to distance themselves from the PM's initiative, saying: " We take food that supermarkets would throw away to make tasty and healthy meals that area affordable for all. Whereas this bunch of chancers just makes the public sick."

However, today's No. 10 spokesperson reassured reporters that these ministers were not for human consumption, but were simply destined to be Big Dog food.

Boris Johnson's happy place is in a fridge in a £150,000 treehouse in Ukraine

Everyone on Boris Johnson's own team is urging him to go to his happy place. Literally, f*ck off to Ukraine.

The Ukrainian President, however, is getting a bit sick of glad-handing Pig Dog every time the dishevelled snout-hound runs away to him. 'It has taken all of my acting ability to keep a straight face while speaking highly of the UK Prime Minister,' conceded Volodymyr Zelenskyy. If I don't get the Oscar for this, then Hollywood is more corrupt than the Belarusian high command.

'If we have to put up with that stinking coward hiding from his own personally selected Cabinet one more time, then we will be forced to show him what a real leader is. If he doesn't pull himself together, then even I will last longer than him, and he hasn't had to deal with his nation being invaded by Russia.'

photo: https://pixabay.com/users/tama66-1032521/

Elmo appointed new Secretary of State for Education

Cute furry faced friend of everybody and MP for the Sesame Street constituency. Elmo Monster, has told the press he is "very happy to be appointed Secretary of State For Education" in the latest government reshuffle.

His background in education makes him more suitable for the role than any of his predecessors, especially with his knowledge of most of the alphabet, in order, and all the numbers up to 12.

Elmo will take up the post with immediate effect and has already started to move his toys, crayons and colouring books into his office in Whitehall. Previous incumbent, Gavin Williamson, had left some of his own colouring books behind but Elmo was disappointed to see that he had often gone over the lines or used completely the wrong colours.

Prime Minister, Boris Johnson, says he is pleased with his new Cabinet choices, which include Count von Count as Chancellor of the Exchequer, Cookie Monster in charge of Food and Oscar the Grouch as Minister for Housing.

Image: Pixabay/ScribblingGeek