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Boris Johnson's happy place is in a fridge in a £150,000 treehouse in Ukraine

Everyone on Boris Johnson's own team is urging him to go to his happy place. Literally, f*ck off to Ukraine.

The Ukrainian President, however, is getting a bit sick of glad-handing Pig Dog every time the dishevelled snout-hound runs away to him. 'It has taken all of my acting ability to keep a straight face while speaking highly of the UK Prime Minister,' conceded Volodymyr Zelenskyy. If I don't get the Oscar for this, then Hollywood is more corrupt than the Belarusian high command.

'If we have to put up with that stinking coward hiding from his own personally selected Cabinet one more time, then we will be forced to show him what a real leader is. If he doesn't pull himself together, then even I will last longer than him, and he hasn't had to deal with his nation being invaded by Russia.'



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