Queen renamed to end confusion

With social media once again confused at Buckingham Palace's reports of the Queen's health, news organisations have agreed with the royal household to use updated terminology to stop people confusing Camilla for Elizabeth II.

'This is why we initially wanted to call Camilla the Queen Consort,' said Emily Double-barrelled, Royal Correspondent for the Daily Express. 'Sadly, that got vetoed and it left us at a bit of a loss. The crown also rejected our other suggestions of 'The Queen, no not that one', 'The King's Second Wife', or the slightly too long 'The Queen, but it should have been Diana, she's the real queen of hearts.'

In a statement, The King's private secretary gave clarification on the new acceptable nomenclature, telling us, 'We understand the confusion and that, after 70 years of Queen Elizabeth as monarch, old habits - much like her - die hard. Looking back on recent history, we had Queen Elizabeth the Queen Mother, and Mary as Dowager Queen. With those in mind, and following discussions with their Majesties, I'm pleased to announce that henceforth - due to the way she came to her title - Queen Camilla is to be known as The Queen's Gambit.'

Image credit: Wix AI

USA accidentally elects Camilla president

A typo on millions of ballot papers has seen the USA accidentally become an absolute monarchy again, under President Queen Camilla.

"We are delighted to resume the governance of our, ahem, loyal subjects" said Mrs Windsor "and look forward to improving their standards of spelling, deciding and so on."

Reaction from US citizens has been mixed, with many welcoming rules by the "cute British grand-mom". On the other hand, several militias declared Nebraska and Idaho to be independent republics. A royal spokesperson quietly remarked that they wouldn't be opposing either move.

The other presidential candidates have also varied in their response. Kamala Harris has vowed to fight the "neo colonial, or actually just old school colonial, takeover", and also launch a spelling programme for state electoral officials. Yet Donald Trump was apparently "easy" with the end of democracy, and positively welcomed all the ornate gold that came with monarchical rule. He happily accepted an invitation to climb into a gilded carriage that the Queen sent for him, not realising it would take him to be deported to Australia.

Image: WikimediaImages - Pixabay

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