- Joe
- Aug 12
With the recent and sad passing of Mr Benn, of Festive Avenue, London, funeral arrangements have needed to be made.
Mr William Benn leaves his dog, Eddie and gorilla, Gus behind.
Mr Benn's closest and dearest friend 'the Shopkeeper' has kindly agreed to provide a suitable outfit for his best, and possibly only customer.
The deceased's usual outfit of suit and bowler hat whilst suitable for the occasion belies his memory. Clown, Wizard, spaceman, zookeeper, cowboy, knight and balloonist were all tried but eventually the shopkeeper decided to dress him like Fred from the home pride adverts.
In his final outfit he leaves us through a magic door at the back of the world for his final adventure.
In an attempt to counteract perceived left wing bias at the BBC, the broadcaster today announced the recruitment of several prominent right wing voices to it’s autumn schedule.
Top of the list is the Mail’s Peter Hitchens, who will delight toddlers everywhere by reading his favourite childhood book, Geoffrey of Monmouth’s ‘Historia Regum Britanniae’ on the CBeebies Bedtime Story show.
Coventry based mum Sarah Withers was thrilled by the news ‘I’m so excited. My 2 year old loves reading Peter’s Mail on Sunday columns. Ok, when I say ‘reading’ I actually mean dribbling mashed banana over them and occasionally trying to eat the paper but I guess that’s still on a par with your average Mail reader.
Plus he’s obviously a bit of eye candy for the Mums so what’s not to like’
Jane Bradshaw, the BBC’s recently appointed Head of Placating Nadine Dorries confirmed the news at a press conference earlier today.
‘We’re so thrilled to have Peter on board. We’re sure his brand of Victorian misanthropy will go down a storm with the little ones.
And there’s more to come. We’ve also got ‘Nick and Tom in Da Bungalow’ where Nick Ferrari and Tom Harwood carry out a series of zany slapstick pranks while laying into the unions, Richard Littlejohn as the new voice of Tinky Winky and we can’t wait to see what Peter Bone does on Big Cook Little Cook’
Asked to comment on rumours that GB News’ Darren Grimes was the next big name to be recruited, Bradshaw replied. ‘Absolutely not, we do have some standards you know’
First published 15 June 2022
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