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Having announced a multi-billion pound plan that promised tax cuts for those who avoid paying any tax, the Tory party has been left in an embarrassing position, not dissimilar to that of a man who took his entire family our for a slap up meal, only to find that having told them to eat and drink whatever they wanted, his credit card was declined.
It appears the chancellor was unaware of how just much his predecessor had been asked by the previous Prime Minister to spaff away on the nation's credit card, which is now maxed out. Having made his fiscal statement in the Commons and ensured it received maximum publicity, the Chancellor has been forced to ask his fellow MPs if they can help him out with the bill.
After emptying their pockets, Tory MPs have so far donated a dozen betting slips, seven unused condoms, two thrupenny bits and three farthings.
Conservatives have admitted that their tax cuts were conceived when policy makers got high on the industrial grade ketamine Kwasi Kwarteng road tested at the Queen's funeral.
Bleary-eyed Tory intern Henry Hootington-Hurst said 'We suddenly remembered who paid for the think tank parked on Downing Street, pointing its think barrel at numbers 10 and 11. In terms of trickle down economics, this is urinating on 99% of people from a huge height.'
Hootington-Hurst began singing, 'Tax cuts to benefit the richest 1%? Parklife. Bankers bonuses without limit? Parklife. Inexplicable lack of energy company windfall tax. Parklife. All the poor people, so many poor people, And they all go round and round and die... Park...life.'
'At least we didn't get so high that we made Liz Truss PM! Ha ha ha - wait, what?!'
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