The worst 'look at me and what I did' book of the year awards have been held in the burnt out shell which was once your nearest hospital. Here are the unreadable straight-to-pulp car crashes government ministers shat out instead of attempting to run a country.
Liz Truss - The Tip of The Iceberg Lettuces
Chris Whatsmename - Fifty Shades of Grayling
Rishi Sunak - The Big Short Trousers (featuring Rishi Longstockings)
David Cameron - First Past the Hogroast
Boris Johnson - Identitty
Michael Gove - Lord Nose (A Snort Story)
Jeremy H Unt - The English Patients Still Waiting (reprinted by the Foodbank of England)
Suella Braverman - A Wish Called Rwanda
Priti Patel - Catch 22 (Asylum Seekers)
Theresa May - Wheatfield of Dreams
Grant Shapps - Me, Myself and Corinne Stockheath (ghost written by Sebastian Fox, forward by Michael Green)
Jacob Rees-Mogg - Stranger Offshores (Eton, Pray, Gov)
Nadine Dorries - Murder in the Deviant Express
Nadim Zahawi - Yougov in the Time of Cholera (HMRC £3 million tax evasion prosecution still pending)
Kwasi Kwarteng - The Day of the Jack All
Penny Mordaunt - The Thatcher in the Eye
Dominic Raab - The Romanians of the Daaaaaay
Thérèse Coffey - War and Piss
Matt Hancock - The Wrong Kiss Goodnight
Image: analogicus - Pixabay
Statisticians from Cambridge University have taken a great interest in Liz Truss's announcement of a new Tory splinter group which immediately splintered after being announced.
'That makes 350 factions now', said Brian Nerdygeek, 'What I find fascinating is that there are only 349 Tory MPs so either there's something very clever going on with trans-dimensional, imaginary numbers or an MP has done something rather silly and joined two different factions at the same time.'
At this point, Chris Grayling could be seen to slap his forehead.
Image: Elchinator - Pixabay