Number of Tory factions now exceeds number of MPs

Statisticians from Cambridge University have taken a great interest in Liz Truss's announcement of a new Tory splinter group which immediately splintered after being announced.

'That makes 350 factions now', said Brian Nerdygeek, 'What I find fascinating is that there are only 349 Tory MPs so either there's something very clever going on with trans-dimensional, imaginary numbers or an MP has done something rather silly and joined two different factions at the same time.'

At this point, Chris Grayling could be seen to slap his forehead.

Image: Elchinator - Pixabay

Tories accuse Labour of stealing its "destroy the country" policy

Senior Conservatives have accused Labour of taking it's "destroy the country" policy and claiming it as their own.

Sir Gavin Williamson led the charge. 'Destroying the country is our brand, it's what we do. So it's a bit rich for Labour to announce they're also going to have a go. Personally, I have worked very hard cocking up defence and education and you won't believe what I had to try and unsee in exchange for my knighthood. When I close my eyes, I can still see it. I don't think anyone from Labour would go that far.'

Chris Grayling was due to speak but due to an "incident" with a revolving door, didn't arrive at the press briefing.

Sir Gavin went on to propose replacing lorries with pogo sticks.

People smugglers to charter P&O ferry

It has come to light that a gang of people smugglers have an audacious plan to up their game.

"This is a win-win," said a burly man, festooned with bling and sporting a Breitling watch.

"No more unseaworthy dinghies for the 'customers'. A relatively safe crossing ... assuming the crew are capable.

We get to shift 'cargo' in bulk, and P&O generate some income".

This will require a master of logistics to run the operation. Who do they have in mind?

"We understand that there's an English chap called Chris Grayling?"

Ferry Kiel Germany Car - Free photo on Pixabay