Nigel Farage is fighting for his political career at the imminent by-election in Clacton. His main opponent is the loveable cartoon character Count Binface. Opinion polls show growing support for Count Binface, but both sides have dismissed these polls as ‘rubbish’.
In the latest twist, Nigel Farage has made a long distance call to the Electoral Registrar in Clacton to demand the removal of all bins from polling stations on election day. He claims that seeing bins in or near polling stations may unduly influence voters, and prejudice the election result.
The demand is for no bins – empty or full – on polling station premises, and no bins within 500m of any of the polling stations. Waste at polling stations should only be collected in politically neutral black bin bags.
The council is considering the issue. A spokesman said, ‘Many polling stations do have waste bins or litter bins nearby. Removing all of them for election day would be very expensive and the the council does not have the money to do this. However, if Mr Farage is prepared to pay for the work, then we are willing to help. We have estimated the cost of removing and replacing all of the bins at five million pounds.’
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As widely reported, nearly everyone in Clacton is planning to vote Binface. However they are confused by the proliferation of bins, and on what day of the week they can turn out and vote for them.
Do they vote for the People's Democratic Binface party (strange how left-wing, Marxist / Maoist / Trotskyist, or any other authoritarian party always calls itself 'democratic') or the Popular Binface Front (equally strange, how right-wing fascist / populist parties always call themselves 'popular')? Or do they support the British Binface party (a bunch of flag-waving nationalists)? Or maybe even the aristocratic Count Binface party?
And will their votes be re-cycled, or just sent for landfill? Whichever, they will be anxious to avoid accidentally voting for any really silly parties, like Nick the Incredible Flying Brick's Official Monster Raving Loony Party, Howling Laud Hope's Official Monster Raving Loony Party, Baron Von Thunderclap's Official Monster Raving Loony Party or Nigel Farage's Reform UK party.
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