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Millions of people around the country have pledged to give up cooling their beverages for the next month and send the ice cubes to the the polar regions to replace the melting glaciers. Using an image of a polar bear asking, "Is your iced tea really necessary?", climate activists hope to name and shame people who continue to cool their drinks. The first ship of ice is expected to leave Southampton for the Arctic next week.



Drinkers were horrified to learn that a piece of ice the size of Albania was being lost every day to climate change. "It's exciting to think you're doing something to save the planet", says David King, 31, as he sips his lukewarm gin and tonic in a London bar. "It's the least I can do". He hopes the Inuits can use his cubes to build igloos.



However, Tory backbencher Sir Evan Moore urges caution: "This climate change nonsense has gone too far. Send off enough ice cubes and you've got an iceberg. Remember the Titanic".




First published 14 Nov2022


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UK researchers into rage hate, commonly referred to as the UK Gammon Index (UKGI), have reported it is rising faster than Global Warming, which in itself is a common driver of the UKGI whenever mentioned. 'We might be in a spiralling feedback loop,' said one researcher, adding, 'no, I don't know what that means either'.


With Poppy Rage currently overtaking the traditional rage about fireworks being set off early for Bonfire night, with the concurrent rage over whether it should be named Guy Fawkes' night adding to the mix. Christmas Rage, a relatively recent rage made worse by reference to 'the Holiday Season' is bending the UKGI gauge to breaking point.


'Monitoring UK rage just makes me mad,' said the researcher, turning bright red, banging his fist on the table and filling in an application to join Reform in crayon. Which, of course, he ate in a fit of rage.


Image: Newsbiscuit Archive

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