Snap, crackle and pop with Radio 4 Extra Extra

The BBC has turned off its long wave radio service after 101 years. But ardent fans of the special sound quality of the long wave service need not worry. The BBC is launching a new service called Radio 4 Extra Extra (to distinguish it from Radio 4 and Radio 4 Extra).

The new service, referred to as BBC R4XX, is a digitally enhanced copy of standard Radio 4 output, with the trademark long wave snap, crackle and pop added back in electronically, along with unintelligible mumbling and some dropouts. The dropouts will mostly be old Radio 1 DJs.

Long Wave fans regard this solution as very unsatisfactory. One said, 'I'm cheesed off about buying a new radio. The valves in my radio have plenty of life left in them. I don't pay my licence fee for this sort of PC, woke, nanny-state nonsense.

'I was psychologically prepared to move to the medium wave, or possibly short wave. I have a massive allergy to FM transmissions, and will only buy an FM radio over my own dead body. As for DAB, that's not for me. And you can keep DAB+ as well. And I'm not sure that you can properly call internet radio 'broadcasting'.

'I'm petitioning the BBC to reissue old long wave broadcasts in a format that's accessible to true fans - wax cylinders, eight track, or, for the tech-savvy, Sinclair Microdrive.'

Image credit: deep dream generator

Council reaps the benefits of using AI

West Wartley District Council has sacked all twenty staff from its complaints department and has replaced them with AI. The council says that early results are 'very encouraging'.

Residents say that the AI is talking through its electronic bottom, and gave us the following examples of rubbish replies:

Dear Mrs Snibbs, thank you for your delectable complaint about potholes. The council has a zero tolerance policy on all drugs, including pot. Accordingly, the council will not be filling the holes with any more pot. Yours recreationally, AI.

Dear Colin, thank you for your letter about dog mess. No-one likes a messy dog. Have you considered dog grooming to tidy them up? Yours thoughtfully, AI.

Dear Brigadier, thank you for your shouty voicemail about speeding motorists. This is a matter for the rozzers. Our data suggests that when the rozzers set up speed traps they mostly catch local drivers, so you have been warned! In addition, the council is considering lowering the speed limit to 10mph. I hope we can count on your support. Your obedient servant, AI.

Dear Swampy, thank you for your letter about the climate emergency. We can all do our bit by reusing candle ends, using recycling bind correctly and by planting more forests. And also by growing your own veg, although there is currently a nine-year wait for an allotment. The council is committing to reducing this wait, subject to the availability of resources. Why not turn your heating down by one degree? The council is committed to achieving net-zero by 2065. The longest journey starts with a single step change. Your philosophically, AI

The residents did admit that although the AI replies were unhelpful and off-topic, they were actually better than those produced by the (now sacked) humans.

Image credit: perchance.org

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