top of page
Search

Council covers potholes with paintings of tarmac

ree

Teeside council have admitted that they are using paintings of tarmac to disguise many of the potholes in local roads.


Local artists have been hired to render realistic images of tarmac and other road surfaces, to enable the potholes to blend in to the highway.


But residents have pointed out that the holes are still holes, and now that they are less visible they represent an even greater danger to cars.


The council released a statement saying the measure was not intended to disguise the road maintenance problem, and that they had commissioned local artists to "promote community relations" and "support the local art scene"


But locals suspect there may be another reason the council have made this unusual move.


"They're just doing it to cover up the English flags I painted in the holes", said a resident who did not want to be named. "I was trying to see if it would force them to fix the potholes. Pity it didn't work"


"But I've started painting the Israel flag instead" He said. "That works a bit better. I got one hole filled in with manure"



Epping residents unsafe

ree

'In short, residents of Epping are unsafe,' said legal representative, Hope Porter. 'They are unsafe in that they are a danger to others, each other, and the forest. 


'Locals are responsible for the vast majority of crimes committed here. Visitors to the area and asylum seekers staying nearby must be protected from them. The tense situation cannot continue and residents must be removed for the sake of, well, Epping really.


'There have been threats, violence, and threats of violence. And that's just the media attempting to whip up riots. So the situation cannot in any way be described as a peaceful protest. My greatest fear is that they'll start bussing in professional rioters from Harlow.


'And it goes much further. Epping Council is so unsafe, it should probably be deported, My daughters are going to get raped by forrins,' screamed Gavin Clack, 56, a childless local resident. 'I'm 'ere to protect 'em, 'cause they're gonna be beautiful and very sexy. We're all here to protect Gav's sexy daughters too,' confirmed Clack's former cellmates.




bottom of page