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West Moorland District Council urgently needs to save money following ill-advised investments in casinos, wind farms, industrial units, a chip shop, and a rail tunnel under Buckinghamshire.


Councillors had debated cutting black bin collections from every two weeks to every three weeks or even every four weeks.  But the savings did not stack up.  To balance the books, the council has voted to empty black bins once a year, on April 1st.


‘We are doing this to boost recycling,’ said the Member for Environment and Planning, Ophelia Payne.  ‘All households can do better at recycling and this will reduce the need for people to send waste to landfill.  We know that nobody can properly separate the cardboard and the plastic from sandwich boxes, but we are asking everyone to try harder.


‘Landfill waste will not smell if householders ensure that food waste is handled correctly.  Vacuum cleaner dust does not fly around if you bag it properly.  And most modern mattresses can be successfully composted at home.


‘If anyone thinks that they can’t manage on an annual collection, then we recommend storing landfill waste in a pit in your garden.  If you manage this correctly, then it will be easy to dig up and put it out for the annual collection – although we must point out that the size of the landfill waste bin will remain at 10 litres.  It’s a small sacrifice, and it’s one that the planet will thank you for.


West Moorland District Council’s council tax charge is expected to rise by 17% for 2026/27.  This is mainly due to losses on investments, interest charges, and councillors’ expenses.


image from pixabay



News today Environment Control Officers are to be issued with portable electron microscopes to examine high street pavements for subatomic traces of rubber and leather being shed from the shoes of pedestrians. Those whose footwear who falls foul of inspection will be charged with littering and can expect to see on the spot fines of a cool £300 for each shoe, boot or trainer.


Former abattoir slaughterman and struck-off bailiff from Reading, Baz Clampett, is now one such newly appointed officer and commented. 'This is vital work I'm doing here. Our towns and cities are awash with this kind of previously undetected, casually discarded rubbish, and I for one, am glad to be doing my bit to stamp it out.


'Of course I miss the the strongarm tactics of my old job, but the endless opportunity to apply hard-faced, heartless and uncaring pedantry is very rewarding. And as I get £25 commission for everyone I nab. I've only come on shift an hour ago and already earned myself £200. Happy days, innit?'


When it was put to Council Leader, Darius Rembrandt, the move was yet another attack on a public already being financially squeezed from all sides in the current economic climate, he denied it was taxation by stealth, commenting, 'I refute that accusation one hundred percent. You're talking total rubbish.'


image from google gemini

Teeside council have admitted that they are using paintings of tarmac to disguise many of the potholes in local roads.


Local artists have been hired to render realistic images of tarmac and other road surfaces, to enable the potholes to blend in to the highway.


But residents have pointed out that the holes are still holes, and now that they are less visible they represent an even greater danger to cars.


The council released a statement saying the measure was not intended to disguise the road maintenance problem, and that they had commissioned local artists to "promote community relations" and "support the local art scene"


But locals suspect there may be another reason the council have made this unusual move.


"They're just doing it to cover up the English flags I painted in the holes", said a resident who did not want to be named. "I was trying to see if it would force them to fix the potholes. Pity it didn't work"


"But I've started painting the Israel flag instead" He said. "That works a bit better. I got one hole filled in with manure"



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