Tired but elated witch-hunters and kangaroo court staff proudly proclaimed that after many years of failure, they have at last managed to bring a miscreant to justice.
'For all too long we have been widely derided for our failure to actually find any witches, or guilty kangaroos. Things suddenly improved when we decided to join forces and work together, cutting costs, improving efficiency and down-sizing our work forces.
'A SWOT analysis revealed that namby-pamby woke-inspired, EU-backed legislation forbade us from hunting witches, let alone burning them. Also the chances of us bringing to justice outside of Australia the world’s largest criminal marsupials was remote. Moving the goalposts to target incompetent lying buffoons was a natural next step.
One buffoon down, one to go. Although we feel confident that more will emerge in the coming years to keep us in business.'