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Manufacturer wins landmark copyright case


In a landmark European Court decision, sporting giant Adidas has not only won protective status for their three stripe logo, but has also established copy right protection of the letters in the company name.


As a result of this ruling, strict new letter usage laws will be enforced from the end of this sentence.


No one wntng to ue thee letter n document n pper wll nee to negotte "rght to ue" greement with th compny. Extng book n publcton wll become ubject to lcence pyment.


There re concern tht Mzon, Krft n Mcrooft wll lunch mlr collectve cton, mkng the Wetern Lphbet unusble except n text mege.


Protet t th rulng re hmpere by no one beng ble to re ther forml wrtten objecton.





First published 15 Jan 2023


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Trump lawsuit shuts down the BBC


Faced with a five billion dollar legal claim from Donald Trump, the BBC has closed down.  'The BBC has no assets to speak of,' said a spokesman.  'Even the test card is owned by someone else.  There's nothing left.'


Now that the BBC has closed down, Donald Trump will not be able to recover any damages, and the BBC will not defend the case. 


Viewers need not worry, however.  All of the BBC's staff will be taken on by a completely unrelated new body called BBC (2025) Limited.  The new body will take over certain assets from the old BBC, but will neither take on responsibility for that Panorama program, nor liabilities such as the Trump lawsuit.  The new BBC has promised to minimise disruption for viewers by honouring the schedules and programmes of the old BBC. The government has confirmed that BBC (2025) Limited will be able to receive funding from the licence fee.


A spokesman for the old BBC said, ‘We regret that the reckless actions of a greedy and malicious orange man-baby has killed off the BBC. Long live BBC (2025) Limited.’


image from google gemini

#ColUmbro and #CherLochHomes - the next celebrity whodunnit trials revealed



As the WagathaChristie case comes towards an end, Tabloid sub-editors are already hoping for further pun-fest celebrity libel trials with a detective element to them and here at Newsbiscuit we can exclusively reveal the front runners:


#ColUmbro - Coleen Rooney is in the courtroom again, this time taking the mid-range sportswear manufacturer Umbro to court for allegedly producing cheap polyester-blend footy shirts that gave Wayne excessive nipple rub during his time playing for England. Evidence to be produced by Colleen in the witness box is thought to include 3 empty king-size jars of Vaseline


#LynamofDuty - Des Lynam is called back in to the BBC to face an AC-12 Ted Hastings style enquiry about historical anomalies in his expense claims during the Barcelona 1992 Olympics, thought to relate to a bowl of Patatas Bravas and a couple of pints of Cruzcampo shared with Barry Davies on Las Ramblas.


#CherLochHomes - Cher faces the witness box after becoming tied up in a Ponzi-scheme housebuilding scam. The Witches of Eastwick and Mamma Mia 2 star is found to have encouraged investors to part with over £2 million, supposedly to fund a holiday home development on the edge of Loch Lomond. If She Could Turn Back Time...


#PiqueBlinders - Gerard Pique, the gifted Barcelona FC Centre Back, has to do some defending of a different kind, after being accused of being the ringleader of a global venetian blind smuggling network. Using the famous Balkan Route through Afghanistan and Turkey into Europe, Pique is said to be responsible for nearly 80% of illegal blind imports, using county lines to tightly control supply of venetians, romans and those fancy shutters that everyone has nowadays.


#DefInParadise - there is Hysteria in the courtroom as Def Leppard appear in the witness box, to deny allegations of wearing overly tight stonewashed jeans and a dark black T-Shirt in the 35 degree heat of Guadeloupe.


#Gerrard-Depp-Heard-Hugh - Steven Gerrard walks into the Johnny Depp-Amber Heard trial by accident and encounters Hugh Grant, who is....er, that's enough celebrity court detective-style hashtags thanks. Newsbiscuit Eds.



First published 23 May 2022



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