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Farage denies doing wrong is wrongdoing


Nigel Farage has claimed his incredible complicated financial affairs are entirely transparent and above board 'assuming that the board is one of those making up the very bottom of the barrel and getting a felony wire fraud conviction is a phase that we all go through,', explained Mr Farage, 'and the idea that money given to me is is in some way a donation is ridiculous. Finally, I am sick of being portrayed as someone obsessed with making money.'


'Incidentally, am I being paid for this? Use my usual anonymous Swiss account and route it via a shell corporation in Grand Cayman. From there, buy me some Russian gold on the dark web and a bunch of crypto. Job's a good 'un.'


Image: WixAI



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Trump promotes Crypto-Diapers


A spokesman for the President said today that the president 'is proud to promote Trump Crypto-Diapers, they're bigly good for sh!t that stinks and act as diapers as well'.  


Trump has been criticised for his meme coins and other crypto endeavours, although as he has gained (allegedly) $1.2B from them while his supporters, who bought them (allegedly) lost a similar amount to the exact penny suggests someone in the administration knows what they're doing - screwing MAGA, for starters,


'I said I don't need diapers,' the President is alleged to have said, 'but they told me that wearing them would encourage other red-blooded Americans to buy Trump Crypto-Diapers.  So I wear them. I don't need them, but it's really convenient to not have to leave an important meeting just because I need a bigly sh!t.  Or disturb my sleep when in an important meeting to have a bigly sh!t,' he said.  When asked who told him to wear them he variously said 'some big boys or a guy in the office' before settling on, 'the one who told me to bomb Iran, invade Greenland and hides my teddy at night unless I sign the Executive Orders he puts under my nose'.


Stephen Miller was unavailable for comment.  Allegedly.


image by Grok


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