Mohamed Mansour has criticised the delay between giving £5 million to the Tory party and receiving his knighthood.
A spokesman said 'For £5 million, he could have bought his way to the top of several NHS waiting lists and fed some poor children and still had enough left over to make Nigel Farage say "Up the 'Ra" on Cameo again.
'Amazon prime can deliver a chicken harness on the same day, so why can't this government dispatch a royal with a sword in a couple of weeks?'
Following concerns that children's attention span since Covid is shorter than ever, the government has asked teachers to measure it.
Teachers are of the opinion it should be measured in Thick Planck Time, but the government believes zeptoseconds will be adequate as the Tory party doesn't have a donor that flogs equipment that measures Thick Planck Time. A pub landlord however, reckons he knows someone who talked to him about zeptoseconds and would be able to supply every primary school with zeptosecond chronometers.
One zeptosecond is 0.000 000 000 000 000 000 001 seconds. The chronometers do not work and the money is long gone.
