Man 'critical' after posting about everyday experience on LinkedIn without learning anything

A man remains in a critical condition today, after inadvertently posting on LinkedIn about an everyday experience that happened to him, without drawing out the broader leadership, management or learning takeaways that came from the encounter. 

Mike McBride, regional Sales Manager at online car supermarket company AutoComplete, carelessly posted this morning about his busy Monday morning rush-hour commute on the Northern line Tube without adding anything about the important life lessons it had taught him. 

'I don't know what I was thinking, it all happened so fast', said McBride, still severely dazed and confused. 'All I remember is I started penning a LinkedIn post something like 'One hour to get from home to the office today - got a busy week ahead'. 

'Of course, I meant to follow it up with something about how no-one was looking at each other or talking, and wasn't that a shame that all those opportunities for collaboration, random connections, or small bits of kindness were being missed', continued McBride.

'I had a quote from Dale Carnegie to add in, and was going to tag the guy off of Dragon's Den who does that podcast where he shoots shit with business leaders, but I pressed Post too early', said McBride. 'It was like it was happening in slow motion. I screamed and tried to undo the post, but the comments were already pouring in about similar journeys but with loads of stuff about the valuable insights it had provided. I felt really faint, passed out at my desk and ended up in an ambulance'. 

McBride is expected to make a full recovery, although he will need to undertake 10 uninterrupted hours of doomscrolling through his LinkedIn feed before being allowed to post again. Colleagues of McBride remain concerned however.

'I mean I'm glad Mike's going to be ok, but it isn't the first time its happened', said one colleague. 'Last week he posted something about ordering his regular latte from Starbucks and how the Barista remembered who he was and drew a little smiley face on his takeaway cup alongside his name. Obviously an open goal for a commentary on how good customer service in the hospitality sector is built on that kind of awareness and building of social capital, but Mike literally said nothing about it.  Nada.'

'If he doesn't start his next post with something about what he learned about what his recent visit to A and E taught him about teamworking, I'm going to be really worried...' 

https://pixabay.com/photos/social-media-facebook-twitter-1795578/

https://www.newsbiscuit.com/

Why not join our WhatsApp channel, NewsBiscuit Daily Posts? You can access the latest output from NewsBiscuit and share posts easily with friends, family and colleagues using WhatsApp. Get some biscuits in your pocket (sorry about the crumbs, though) by clicking here

Cancer cure 'A Waste of Time' say Dragons Den gurus

The BBC has asked entrepreneurs to 'stop wasting everybody's time' with unprofitable ideas after a medical researcher completely flatlined on the show.

"It's a cure for all cancers", explained scientist Wilbur Jones. "It's new, non toxic and offers hope to millions".

Initially the Dragons in the Den were impressed. However, the Dragons soon found the flaw in his business model when he explained that medical techniques are not patentable.

"How the f**k can you make money then?" asked one irate Dragon. They were also unimpressed with the doctor's dress sense - he chose to pitch his idea in 'smart casual' clothes, which is a clear no-no - the Dragons refuse to do business with anybody not wearing a suit, for reasons which have never been adequately explained.

“He really did a poor pitch”, explained a BBC insider. “First, he was nervous. The Dragons don’t like nerves. They expect everybody else to be as cocksure as themselves, which must make for a lot of disappointment in life. Then he didn’t have a clue about making money. There really isn’t any point in curing cancer if it doesn’t make money. We’ve had loads of no-hopers pitching ways to save the planet, cut greenhouse emissions, blah blah bloody blah – they all get the boot. Finally, he seemed reluctant to give them his house, his rather attractive daughter and the right to claim themselves as the inventor. If he’d spent more time watching telly instead of inventing smells in his laboratory, he’d know that this is the minimum commitment required".

Dr Jones left the studio in tears. He later explained to gozzy-eyed presenter Evan Davis that this was something of a last resort. “Normally, you apply to the Medical Research Council for funding, but they’re really nasty too. Last time I went they accused me of being smelly, and somebody flicked snotballs at me throughout my lecture. I thought the Dragons Den might be less intimidating. I can’t afford a TV so I didn’t really know what to expect”.

The concept behind Dragons Den is simple. The BBC invites inexperienced entrepreneurs from council estates to make a sales pitch, and then 5 top business gurus intimidate the shit out of them as a prelude to ‘negotiating’ astonishing levels of equity, in front of TV cameras. A recent Google search for ‘post traumatic stress disorder’ found more than 6,000 references to Dragons Den.

The latest BBC pitch for Dragon's Den says it all : "Got a brilliant business idea? Scared of public speaking? Don’t mind giving it away for tuppence and a go in a swivel chair? Contact Dragons Den - you've nothing to lose but your patent. Oh, and the business you've spent the last three years building."

Image: moneycortex - Pixabay

www.newsbiscuit.com