top of page


An insurance company for Christian drivers is no longer forgiving the sins of third parties due to incurring substantial losses.


Motor insurers ‘Faith Wheelers’ have notified future policy enquirers that their popular ‘forgiveness’ clause for third party accident involvement will no longer be in force.


The company attribute this change in policy as ‘similar to Paul’s transformation on the road to Damascus. Only St. Paul wasn’t rear-ended by a sinful Audi, losing millions paying for repairs’.


Broker Jacob Appletree, explained: “For thousands of years Faith Wheelers have offered believers motor insurance policies that act as the fiscal embodiment of Christ, in that we forgive sinners for their acts of idiotic driving, insofar as covering their repair costs.


“We have however been made aware of drivers with less than perfect vehicles taking advantage of our blessed nature and deliberately ramming into our flock for financial gain. That’s not how Christ works.


“The board of disciples and sharebelievers have reasoned that there once was a time and a place for loving your fellow driver as you would yourself, but it’s not f**king now. The third quarter outlook looks terrible and drastic measures have to be taken.


“Forgiveness is therefore suspended until motorkind starts respecting each other and the share price drives a holy dividend. So although we no longer forgive those that trespass against us, we hope and pray that God and His Underwriters will forgive us. Amen-d.”


image from pixabay

The owner of a Land Rover near you is loving the snowy weather and is hoping for loads more, it has been confirmed.  He is, at last, enjoying the two days of the year he can use the full capability of the vehicle.


Mike McBride, a sales manager in Leeds, has been seen strolling out of his house into heavy snow, towards his huge beast of a vehicle, luxuriantly spread across 3 parking spaces, before smoothly moving off into a few inches of hard packed ice with minimal effort. 


'I live for these two days each year when the snow comes down,' admitted McBride. 'Everyone else is busting a gut with spades and grit trying to get their crappy little Clios moving without skidding all over the place, but the old Land Rover just cuts through like a knife through butter.


'I should say I’m not involved in the farming industry in any way. Nor do I shoot game where I’d need a dedicated space in my vehicle to put all the pheasant I’ve bludgeoned.


‘So, no, I have no actual need for a Land Rover. As a result, I have to spend most of my year trying to justify why I need a £75,000 vehicle to get me three miles from my suburban home to a city centre office, via a well-connected A-Road.' 


'Surprisingly, no-one has been convinced by my arguments that I genuinely need a car where the power is evenly distributed across all 4 wheels to generate my quarterly sales charts, or that the engine's powerful torque helps me and my team meet our KPIs.'   


'So, yes, on the rare occasions when we do see a bit of snowfall, of course I'm going to be out in my pride and joy from 6am, showing off its abilities to navigate ungritted side roads, effortlessly do a hill start on a cheeky bit of ice, and posting on Facebook that I'm available to give lifts to anyone stuck getting to work - even though I probably won't reply to any of the messages from all those losers with tiny one litre engines.'


McBride also confirmed his plans for the foreseeable future to drive right up other drivers' arses, and mouth instructions in a passive-aggressive manner for them to get into a higher gear and steer into skids.  


Picture credit: Wix AI

bottom of page